Losing Hope

know why she’s in here. I don’t want to be in here and I want her to come back to my room with me.
    “I was looking for the bathroom,” she says quietly. “I’m sorry. I just needed a second.”
    I nod, since I apparently needed a second, too. I look around the room. I haven’t set foot in here since the day I found the notebook. Her jeans are still in the middle of the floor, right where she left them.
    “Has no one been in here? Since she . . .”
    “No,” I say, not wanting to hear her finish that sentence. “What would be the point of it? She’s gone.”
    She nods, then places the picture back down on the nightstand. “Was she dating him?”
    Her question throws me for a second, then I realize she must have seen a picture of Les and Grayson together. I never told her they dated. I should have told her.
    I step into the bedroom for the first time in over a year. I walk to the bed and take a seat next to her. I slowly scan the room, wondering why my mom and I thought it would be a better idea to just close the door after she died, rather than get rid of her things. I guess neither of us is ready to let her go just yet.
    I glance at Sky and she’s still looking at the picture frame on Les’s nightstand. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her to me. She brings a hand to my chest and clenches my shirt in her fist.
    “He broke up with her the night before she did it,” I say, giving her an explanation. I don’t really want to talk about it, but the only other thing left to talk about is what just happened in my bed and I know Sky more than likely needs a little more time before we bring that up.
    “Do you think he’s the reason why she did it? Is that why you hate him so much?”
    I shake my head. “I hated him before he broke up with her. He put her through a lot of shit, Sky. And no, I don’t think he’s why she did it. I think maybe it was the deciding factor in a decision she had wanted to make for a long time. She had issues way before Grayson ever came into the picture. So no, I don’t blame him. I never have.” I grab her hand and stand up, because I honestly don’t want to talk about it. I thought I could, but I can’t. “Come on. I don’t want to be in here anymore.”
    I take her hand and she stands up, then we walk toward the door. She yanks her hand free once I reach the door, so I turn around. She’s staring at a picture of me and Les when we were kids.
    She’s smiling at the picture, but my pulse immediately quickens when I realize that she’s seeing me and Les as children. She’s seeing us in the exact way she used to know us. I don’t want her to remember. If she were to have even the slightest recollection right now, she might start asking questions. The last thing she needs after the breakdown she just had is to find out the truth.
    She squeezes her eyes shut for a few seconds and the look on her face kicks my pulse up a notch. “You okay?” I ask, attempting to pull the picture out of her hands. She immediately snatches it back and looks up at me.
    It’s the first sign of recognition I’ve seen on her face and it feels like my entire body is wilting.
    I manage to take a step toward her, but she immediately takes a step back. She keeps looking at the picture, then back up to me and I just want to grab the frame and throw it across the fucking room and pull her out of here, but I have a feeling it’s too late.
    Her hand goes up to her mouth and she chokes back a sob. She looks up at me like she wants to say something, but she can’t speak.
    “Sky, no,” I whisper.
    “How?” she says achingly, looking back down at the picture. “There’s a swing set. And a well. And . . . your cat. It got stuck in the well. Holder, I know that living room. The living room is green and the kitchen had a countertop that was way too tall for us and . . . your mother. Your mother’s name is Beth.” Her rush of words come to a pause and she darts her eyes back up to mine. “Holder?” she says, sucking in a breath. “Is Beth your mother’s name?”
    Not tonight, not tonight. God, she doesn’t need this tonight. “Sky . . .”
    She looks at me, heartbroken. She rushes past me and across the hall, into the bathroom, where she slams the door behind her. I follow after her and try to open the door but she’s locked it.
    “Sky, open the door. Please.”
    Nothing. She doesn’t open the door and she says nothing.
    “Baby, please. We need to talk and I