Losing Hope

yourself to feel this. You’ve gone so long training yourself to block the feelings and emotions out any time someone touches you. But I want you to know that what your father physically did to you isn’t what hurt you as a little girl. It’s what he did to your faith in him that broke your heart. You suffered through one of the worst things a child can go through at the hands of your hero . . . the person you idolized . . . and I can’t even begin to imagine what that must have felt like. But remember that the things he did to you are in no way related to the two of us when we’re together like this. When I touch you, I’m touching you because I want to make you happy. When I kiss you, I’m kissing you because you have the most incredible mouth I’ve ever seen and you know I can’t not kiss it. And when I make love to you—I’m doing exactly that. I’m making love to you because I’m in love with you. The negative feeling you’ve been associating with physical touch your whole life doesn’t apply to me. It doesn’t apply to us . I’m touching you because I’m in love with you and for no other reason.” I kiss her softly. “I love you.”
    She kisses me harder than she’s ever kissed me, pulling me down to the bed with her. We continue to kiss and she continues to allow me to explore every single part of her with my mouth and my hands. When I ready myself against her after putting another condom on, I look down at her and she’s finally looking up at me with a serene expression. The love in her eyes right now can’t be mistaken, but I still want to hear her say it.
    “Tell me you love me.”
    She tightens her grip around me, looking me hard in the eyes. “I love you, Holder. So much,” she says firmly. “And just so you know . . . so did Hope.”
    As soon as the words leave her mouth, I’m completely consumed by a sense of peace. For the first time since the second she was taken from me, I finally know what forgiveness feels like. “I wish you could feel what that just did to me.” I claim her mouth with mine at the same time she completely consumes my heart.

Chapter Forty-three
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    When I turn my phone on, I’m flooded with texts. Several from Breckin, several from my mother. There are missed calls from Sky’s phone, so I can only assume they’re from Karen. I don’t listen to any of the voicemails, though. I know everyone’s just worried about us, especially Karen. I’m still not sure how what she did fits into the picture, but I find it hard to believe that what she did was done from a place of evil.
    Sky rustles in the bed, rolling over. I look down at her and lean forward to kiss her but she turns her face away and I kiss her cheek, instead.
    “Morning breath,” she mumbles, sliding off the bed. She heads for the shower and I check the time. Check-out is in an hour, so I decide to gather our things.
    After I’ve got most of our things packed, she walks out of the bathroom. “What are you doing?” she asks.
    I glance at her. “We can’t stay here forever, Sky. We need to figure out what you want to do.”
    She rushes toward me. “But . . . but I don’t know yet. I don’t even have anywhere to go.”
    Her voice is full of panic, so I walk to her in order to ease her mind. “You have me, Sky. Calm down. We can go back to my house and figure this out. Besides, we’re both still in school. We can’t just stop going and we definitely can’t live in a hotel forever.”
    “One more day,” she says. “Please, let’s just stay one more day, then we’ll go. I need to try to figure this out and in order to do that, I need to go there one more time.”
    I don’t know how she can possibly think going back to that house is in any way a good idea. There’s absolutely nothing she needs from there. “No way. I’m not putting you through that again. You’re not going back.”
    “I need to, Holder,” she says pleadingly. “I swear I won’t get out of the car this time. I swear. But I need to see the house again before we go. I remembered so much while I was there. I just want a few more memories before you take me back and I have to decide what to do.”
    Jesus, she’s relentless. I pace the floor, not knowing how I can get it through her head that she can’t do this.
    “Please,” she says again.
    Ugh! I can’t say no to that voice.
    “Fine,” I groan. “I told you I would do whatever it was you felt you needed to do. But I’m not hanging all of