Lost in You

with Ryan.
    “I thought you liked Ryan?”
    Alex smiles, but shakes her head. “I do, but if you were in love with him, you would’ve fought for him. There wouldn’t be a no-contact order and you wouldn’t try to call and text him when you think we’re all asleep. You need to let him go.”
    I look up at her sharply. She shrugs.
    “You’re not as sneaky as you think you are, Miss Carter.”
    “Whatever,” I mutter. I lean over and rest my head in her lap. “I’m so messed up, Alex. I think I need some professional help.”
    Alex runs her fingers through my hair. It’s calming and helps me relax. I do need help, but at what cost? Alex is right. I need to let Ryan go and move on. I just don’t know how. I promised myself after Cole that my heart would always be guarded. That I’d never let anyone in again and then I met Ryan and things changed.
    Things could’ve been perfect.

CHAPTER 39
    Ryan
     
     
    “Shit, shit, shit,” I say under my breath as I jump into my pants. Dylan is scrambling to put on her shorts and a t-shirt all while trying to fix her hair. I high tail it out of her room and down the hall to mine, shutting the door quietly. My heart is pounding. I can feel my pulse trying to break out of my skin. My hands are shaking from nerves. I can’t believe her parents are home. They were supposed to be having dinner and catching a movie. That should’ve given us at least three hours. They weren’t even gone for one.
    This is not good.
    I sit on the bed and wait. Mr. and Mrs. Ross are walking down the hall. I jump when they slam their door. I’m afraid to move. My nerves are shot. I know Mr. Ross is going to burst in here any moment now and kick my ass out for having sex with his daughter… under his roof. I don’t even know why I ran to my room. I could’ve sat down at Dylan’s desk and pretended to study. I guess it’s better than thinking I had to jump out of the window. Instead I’m sitting here, in my jeans with no boxers on because they are on Dylan’s bedroom floor where she flung them. To make matters worse, I’m still wearing a used condom.
    How did she even know they were home? She all but threw me off of her and whisper yelled at me to get dressed. I definitely wasn’t listening to anything but her. I was trying to satisfy her and do what she liked. I’m going to have to ask her because if she’s not into it, I… I don’t know what. I do know I need to get to the bathroom and take care of things. I’m getting a bit uncomfortable sitting here in my jeans. 
    “Ugh!” I rub my hand over my face. I can’t stand it anymore. I get up and throw open my bedroom door and startle Mrs. Ross. She jumps, bumping her head on the wall. “Crap,” I say as I reach for her. “Are you okay?”
    “Yes, you just scared me. I figured you were sleeping like Dylan.”
    She’s sleeping? How can she pretend to be sleeping when her parents almost caught us? “I was just gonna take a shower.” Yeah, that’s what I’m going to do.
    Mrs. Ross’s smile drops when she looks at my bare chest. I should’ve probably grabbed a t-shirt. I try to cover myself when her eyes look at me sharply.
    “Since when do you have a girlfriend?”
    “Um…”
    “Are you being safe?”
    I look at her questioningly.
    “I know a hickey when I see one, Ryan. I know you’re trying to hide it, but you’re eighteen and I know you’re going to… you know, but please be safe. Do you need me to buy you some condoms?” Her face is red, probably matching the same color as mine.
    Awkward.
    “I think I’m okay, Mrs. Ross.” She pats me on the shoulder and continues down the hall. I take this opportunity to escape into the bathroom before Mr. Ross comes out of the room. I’m still curious as to why they're home so early, but think I might hang out in my room for the rest of the night. I definitely don’t want any more uncomfortable conversations, especially with my sub-parents.
     
    I thought last night was awkward but that is nothing compared to how things are today. Dylan isn’t talking to me. She’s not holding my hand and she didn’t wait for me to walk her to class. I don’t know what I did, or what changed.
    Now I’m walking down the hall by myself and I don’t like it. Even before we started dating we were together, except those few months where I was so wrapped up in myself that she couldn’t stand to be near me. I feel a small pang in my heart. I don’t know what’s going on, but