Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 6

What if one of them saw me and then happened to pass me on base and recognize me? Gay bars were one thing— everyone there was just as gay as you were and were more likely to have your back than turn you in. But being out in the general public was a whole new ball game.
    I broke out into a sweat and my anxiety must have shown on my face, because Chase actually asked if I was okay. The situation apparently didn't bother Chase at all. He was actually more affectionate than I was around the house, but I noticed at the restaurant he never made any move to touch me. And he never called me "baby." After the waitress walked away with our order he did look at me across the table, straight in my eyes, and then he smiled a smile that I knew was one of his special ones, just for me. It did calm me down a bit, until I started freaking if anyone had noticed and thought maybe the look between two men was a little too special.
    As we left the restaurant, Chase's arm accidentally brushed against my back and I swear I practically jumped three feet in the air just to get away from him. I was so keyed up by the time we got to the theater I didn't even give a fuck what movie we were seeing, because I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate on it. Once the movie started and the lights went down, Chase placed his hand on my thigh like nothing was wrong and rubbed his thumb up and down, in a gentle, affectionate way, not at all sexual. I still jerked my leg away and scooted closer to the other side of my seat, so we weren't touching in any way. From the corner of my eye I saw him turn and look at me but I kept staring straight ahead until he finally turned back to the movie.
    The ride home was silent, although Chase tried to make conversation about the movie. Once we were finally home and inside with the door locked behind us, I let out a huge breath and I thought I would be okay again. But, I was still bothered by the evening. We both got ready for bed but instead of bed, I headed out to the living room and flipped the TV on. After about ten minutes, Chase came looking for me.
    "Babe," he said slowly. "Aren't you coming to bed?" He'd leaned down over the back of the couch behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. Without meaning to, I stiffened and he noticed.
    "Jesus, you are tense tonight." He tried to rub my shoulders but I shrugged out of his grasp. Sighing, he came around to sit next to me on the couch, taking the remote from my hand and muting the TV.
    "All right A, come on, what's wrong? You've been jumpy all night."
    The room was dark, with only the light from the TV illuminating his face but I could see the look of concern he had. And determination. He wasn't going to let go of this until he knew what was bothering me.
    "You didn't even touch me all night." Okay that was not what I intended to start with but it was what came out.
    He frowned. "Did you want me to? I figured it might be too dangerous for you."
    I closed my eyes and rubbed my aching head. "That's just it. Yes, it would have been dangerous and although I've always known that, it really smacked me in the face tonight. I felt like I was looking over my shoulder all night, scared of any little thing that we might say or do that someone might see and interpret wrong."
    He sighed again. "A, I'm sorry. When I suggested we go out, I didn't think it would freak you out so much. Yes, we have to be careful, but baby that doesn't mean we can't go out in public. Nothing we said or did tonight wasn't anything two straight guy friends wouldn't have done. No one suspected anything."
    "But doesn't that bug you? That we have to do that?"
    "Adam, it just goes with the territory when you can't be out, believe me I know. I've done this before, remember?"
    "That's just it. You've already dealt with this shit. And you gave up football so you didn't have to deal with it anymore. And now because of me you're right back in the closet again."
    My words hit him so hard he actually leaned back as if he'd been physically slapped. I could see the shock on his face sit there for a few minutes before his jaw clenched and he got that determined look I'd seen before, which meant he was digging in for the fight.
    "Adam, I don't give a fuck what I have to do, if it means I get to have you with me. You are more important to me than any of the bullshit I have to go through. Yeah, it sucks, but it's not going to be forever." He took a big breath before he continued. "I love you, Adam. And I'm not going