Love is Always Write Anthology Volume 6

anywhere.
    I didn't say any more but I did let him take me to bed. Our touches were slow and soft and needy. But it was a long time afterwards before I fell asleep. Now my brain was torn between how I felt about everything that had happened tonight and the fact that Chase had said he loved me. Those words made me happy and anxious all at the same time. I hadn't returned them, but Chase didn't seem to care. I just wasn't sure if I was ready.
    ****
    Things went pretty much back to normal for us, but the idyllic honeymoon phase was over as far as I was concerned. I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
    Over the next few months, Chase and I learned to play our public roles well. When we went out together we were careful to be nothing more than best buddies. Then we'd go home and fuck like rabbits.
    Around the base, I continued going out with the guys once in a while, pretending to ogle chicks with them when I had to. For all my weekends I had various ways of explaining them away— I said I was still helping Chase fix up his house (which was partially true) or that I had plans with someone. I became quite the ladies' man, throwing out random girls' names as my "conquest of the moment." I'd pretend I was dating them for a while, then I'd "break up with them" and be on to someone else. I felt like a complete asshole but the guys believed me, and every lie gave me one more weekend with Chase so I did it. It was taking a toll though, on me and on our relationship. Many a weekend Chase had to deal with me and the anger and the resentment that I felt. He was the ever-saintly Chase, always calming me down and getting me back on track.
    Kowalski was still after me though, and I had no idea why, or what I had ever done to him. I was starting to guess that he was a latent homophobe and was just itching to find someone to report. In the end, he never found anything concrete on me to report, but he never knew how successful he was in destroying me— by inadvertently destroying my relationship with Chase.
    He pushed and pushed until I reached my breaking point.
    I was packing one Friday afternoon to head to Chase's when some of the guys were getting in from a hard day of field training. There were rumors that deployment orders were going to be handed down soon, we just didn't know what companies would be going. So combat training was picking up for everyone. The guys looked whipped and I felt for them. Meyer, the guy who had the bunk next to me, came in and just collapsed on his mattress and groaned.
    "Tough day, Private?"
    "You have no idea. And then Kowalski made some comments to Big Mac, and they got into it, and Sarge ended up making us all do extra laps."
    Big Mac was one of the African-American guys in the company and I could just imagine what Kowalski might say to him. I shook my head in disbelief. "That son of a bitch."
    "Well, beware, Kowalski is going to be a real bitch when he gets back here. Not only did Mac flatten him in their little tussle, but Sarge made K stay behind and do push-ups."
    I laughed. Mac was called Big Mac for a reason and Kowalski should have known better than to pick on him. Served him right whatever punishment he got. "How many push-ups?"
    Meyer looked over at me with a grin. "Sarge just told him to go and he'd tell him when to stop."
    I chuckled. Sarge push-ups were brutal. He'd once assigned a private push-ups "until he said to stop," and then sat down and ate his dinner and read the newspaper for two hours all while the soldier did his push-ups. When Sarge finally released him, he couldn't even move, his buddies had to come and drag him back to the barracks.
    Kowalski came in just a few minutes later though, looking thoroughly pissed off and covered in mud. One of the other guys, Henderson, was the first to say something to him.
    "Whoa, Kowalski, you look like Sarge made you eat dirt... literally."
    "Fuck you Henderson!" Kowalski's response only made everyone laugh even more, me included. I had to admit a little pleasure in hearing Kowalski get a little back of what he dished out.
    But Kowalski was pissed off and looking to pick a fight. So even though we were all laughing, he naturally picked me to go after. Even though the others were laughing more than me and I wasn't even looking at him.
    "I'm glad you all think it's so funny. Except you Shepherd, where the hell were you today, slaving away with your fancy radio equipment in an air-conditioned computer room, while the rest of us are