Love Is Always Write Volume 4

and that the theater would be closing soon. Zeb nodded and let him know he'd be out in a minute.
    "Oh, and Nick's still sitting at the bar waiting for you."
    "Shit."
    "No prob. I think he knew you were busy. Just thought I'd let you know cuz when I told him it was time to skedaddle he said something about you and him having a toast or something. The bar won't serve once two am hits, so I figured I'd give ya a heads up."
    "Yep, I'll be right out. Thanks Jack." The other man smiled and walked back down the hall.
    "I need to get back out there." Zeb said as he turned back into the room and shut the door.
    Chad leaned against the far wall, deep in thought. "Yeah, I suppose." He nodded his head and pushed away from the wall. "I guess this is it then, huh?"
    "Yeah."
    "Well, at least I finally have my answer." Chad started for the door and Zeb saw him wince and heard a tense laugh, an odd mix. "Of course, finding out my lover left me over – over absolutely nothing – doesn't really make me feel any better."
    "Chad…" Zeb wasn't sure what was about to come out. He should apologize, or something, but at the same time – that would be pretty stupid, right? How could he know for sure that Chad was even telling him the truth? What if there was an ulterior motive; or if he was only here because Zeb was someone now. But, if he was telling the truth…
    Zeb shoved his hands in his pockets, hiding his clenching and un-clenching fists. He had to get a grip and stop thinking altogether until he could finally be alone.
    "One question though." Chad turned back around, hand on the doorknob. "If that's really what you believed, if you thought I said you should go because I was kicking you out? What about the phone calls? I called you for weeks, left dozens of messages. I don't remember every message, but I know damn well I couldn't have sounded like I was dumping you."
    Zeb took a long breath, remembering the messages he'd erased. "That day you said we'd still talk. I thought you were just trying to do the whole 'let's still be friends' thing. And I couldn't do that. I was pissed and you were so cheery. But it was just really obvious it was fake. Like you were just patronizing me or trying to be nice to… hell, I don't know."
    "Of course it was fake. My boyfriend wasn't returning any of my calls and I had no clue why. Why the hell wouldn't it sound fake?" Chad's voice turned mocking. " Things are probably crazy. He'll call when he's settled. Do you have any idea – God – any idea what a fool I felt like when you just never bothered to call?" Chad broke their eye contact but not before Zeb saw the raw pain there.
    "I'm sorry." Whether he was right or not, thinking straight or not, he couldn't not say it.
    "Me too." Chad opened the door and stepped into the hallway.
    That panic hit Zeb all over again. Hard and almost painful in his chest, like something very bad was about to happen.
    "Chad!" He waited till the other man turned towards him. "You're, um, you're not driving all the way back tonight, are you?"
    "No. I have a hotel room here."
    "K." That didn't make the feeling in his chest go away though. "Which one?"
    Chad gave him a strange look. "Best Western."
    "Alright then. Have a safe trip back." Chad nodded. Zeb scrambled for something, anything. "And, Chad? Thanks for coming."
    "Yeah." Then Chad turned and within a blink was out of view and gone. Out of Zeb's life. Exactly where earlier tonight he wished he'd be.
    So why did he feel like complete shit?
    ****
    Zeb stayed in the quiet back room after Chad left, needing to be alone, but swore he could still feel him there. Or at least smell his cologne. Damn. He sat down, put his head in his hands and did every breathing exercise he could think of to try to find control again.
    He'd been so sure he knew what he was doing when he walked out of their shared apartment three years ago. He'd already been second-guessing where he stood with Chad for months, so, to him, when Chad asked him to go he wasn't exactly surprised. Sure, he hadn't listened to every word, but the blood rushing in his ears from the moment his boyfriend said he wanted him to go to California pretty much drowned out everything else.
    So now, did he take everything Chad told him tonight at face value? Should he? Part of him didn't want to believe a word his ex said. Because – oh fuck – that would mean Zeb had caused his own misery. That the only one who had broken his heart was himself. And instead of focusing