Love Is Always Write Volume 4

his anger and heartache at Chad, he would have only himself to blame.
    Self destructive . That's what Callie had called him once, just months before he met Chad. Remembering those words was what pushed him into accepting that first date with Chad. Oh, he'd already known he wanted to go; wanted it more than his next breath, but that scared the shit out of him. So he kept making excuses on why it wouldn't work anyway. But then he figured he'd take her advice and just take a chance at it. Like she said, it might surprise him for once.
    He had and it did. Everything was a surprise with Chad. Partly because Zeb was a relationship virgin and didn't know what to expect, and partly because Chad was… just Chad. He was much more zany and down to earth than Zeb had expected and made him laugh almost every day. Chad was fun, and sweet, and the only one who had ever made Zeb feel special. Like he was cherished. It had been so wonderful! And he thought… why hadn't I tried this boyfriend stuff sooner? But he knew the answer to that back then too. Because he hadn't met Chad sooner. And only Chad could have made that perfect fit with him. Two people, so different, but fitting together like puzzle pieces.
    That is, until he overheard Chad with his brother, and realized Chad might not feel quite the same way he did.
    Thinking their relationship could be one-sided had driven Zeb insane over those months. The little visits he'd gotten from Chad's brother during that time hadn't exactly helped either. Zeb decided that if he wasn't the perfect man that Chad could be proud of instead of embarrassed by, he'd make himself into that man. Because hell if he was going to lose this now that he'd found it.
    But then, when Chad told him he thought he should take John up on his offer, knowing it could mean a permanent move to California, all Zeb could think was, I should have known better then to even try. All I ever was to him was a fun fuck. He'd escaped out of there so fast he was surprised it didn't make Chad's head spin. But he'd had to. There was no way he was going to allow the man that didn't even want him, that so casually suggested he move a thousand miles away, to see him break down into tears.
    To let him see how badly it hurt.
    Shaking his head hard, he stood up and did the same to his body to get some blood flowing. Sitting here dwelling on shit long past accomplished about as much as it had over the last three years – nada .
    No, the philosophy he went by was once something's in the past, it's better off left there. He'd never seen the sense of going around talking to everyone like they were his own personal shrinks. His foster parents had tried to get him to see one – a shrink – after his mother's death when he was fifteen. The guy had been a quack and a half, wanting to talk about Zeb's dad the whole time.
    So Zeb told him. Told him about his dad's drinking and abuse; about the last time his dad thought he'd needed to toughen him up so he'd be a 'real' man and ended up hospitalizing him with two broken ribs and a broken arm. And then he told him how he'd wished it had been his dad that was killed in the accident instead of his mom. The man had just looked at him then, a shrewd look, like he was actually trying to see inside Zeb's head, and asked, 'Do you really wish your father was dead?'
    What kind of a stupid question was that? No, he wouldn't wish someone dead, but if had been a choice between the two? His mean as a rattle snake father or his sweet mom? Besides, since his dad had been the one driving the car and had been drunk as a skunk at the time, he'd been found guilty of vehicular manslaughter so Zeb never had to see the son of a bitch again.
    As far as he was concerned he'd put all that behind him. To Zeb, the foster home had been a second chance. A chance to get away from his father and stop being terrified all the time. It was a clean slate, and he'd liked keeping it that way.
    Plus, he'd met Callie there. She'd helped him to mourn his mom without ever asking too many questions and he'd gained a big sister. He really had put it all behind him a long time ago. Just like he'd thought he'd put Chad behind him.
    Guess that doesn't mean the past doesn't come up and bite ya every now and again.
    He walked back out to the bar area of The Vintage Theater to see Nick tipping back a shot. "Shit, man. Callie's going to kill me. I promised her I wouldn't let you get drunk."
    "Not drunk. Besides, what else was I supposed to