Love Is Always Write Volume 4

snapped back to Chad's face. "Us?"
    "Of course 'us'."
    "But you went on about how hard it would be to be apart and…" No. Oh fuck no… this couldn't be…
    "Sure, temporarily. I also said that I could fly out in a month. Don't even try this as a damn excuse. I want the truth. There's no way you could have thought I was kicking you out when I was standing there talking about finding a place together and--"
    "I didn't hear that," Zeb cut in.
    "You didn't hear that?" Chad looked incredulous. "Are you serious? We were talking about our lives, you ass!"
    "Jesus Christ, Chad, I had just woken up and you start talking about wanting me to move. So, no, after I heard that I kinda stopped listening. You think I wanted to hear you explain why you didn't want me anymore, or give me excuses while you're smiling the whole fucking time like it was no big deal? And then you go off to hang out with Derek."
    "The phone call. The fucking phone call." Chad scrubbed at his face.
    Zeb raised his eyebrows in question, not understanding the expression on Chad's face at all.
    "I remember thinking when the phone rang that you didn't seem to be listening, but…" He took another deep breath, and shook his head. "Are we saying what I think we're saying?" His mouth twisted, and he blinked rapidly, staring over Zeb's head. "Are we really fighting over what I think we're fighting over?"
    "What?" Zeb really didn't get the small smile Chad gave him right then.
    "That neither of us wanted to end it? That we've both been apart and miserable this whole time over a stupid misunderstanding?"
    Zeb shrugged, feeling a little like an idiot, a little disbelieving and a whole hell of a lot shell-shocked. He watched as Chad stood and walked towards him, that damned smile growing the closer he got. Zeb didn't smile back, panic tightening his chest with every step Chad took. Chad stopped a half step away and searched Zeb's eyes.
    "Zeb?" Slowly, Chad placed both hands on Zeb's chest and let them slide up, aiming for around his neck. The wonder on Chad's face was clear, along with a growing joy. Strangely enough, all Zeb felt was more of the panic and then, suddenly, fear. He jumped back.
    Away from Chad's reach he could breathe again. He strode over to the mini bar, grabbed whatever bottle was closest and the shot glass one of the guys left there before the show. He heard Chad speak behind him as he filled it.
    "Zeb, what--"
    Before Chad could finish his question Zeb slammed down the alcohol. Oh Holy FUCK . An inferno raged up his throat and even as he questioned why anyone would ever drink this shit, he sucked in a breath. That was a mistake. He could smell it then and an image of his father – cold eyes and dragon's breath reeking of that day's whiskey – burned behind his eyes and he wanted to retch. Eyes open or closed, he couldn't shake it off. Every time he took in a breath the image would refresh itself.
    "What the hell, Zeb? When did you start drinking?"
    Zeb reached for a can of soda, warm and diet, anything to get this taste out of his mouth. The heat spread out from his chest, calming the panic from moments before, but Zeb was pretty sure the effects of the whiskey weren't worth the trip down Hell's lane.
    "I don't," he finally answered when he knew he could speak without tasting that toxic shit. It was still there, but at least it was muted by the diet cola.
    "Shouldn't this be a good thing? If we both still care-"
    "I'm seeing someone," Zeb cut in quickly. There was a loud exhale behind him but he didn't turn to see Chad's reaction. He couldn't.
    It was silent for too long, and for some strange reason he began counting off the seconds like he did when he was a kid. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe just a way for his mind to stay busy so he wouldn't blurt out anything foolish.
    Five Mississippi… six Mississippi…
    "Oh. Of course." Another beat of silence. The quiet resignation in Chad's voice didn't hurt. It didn't. "That makes sense. It's not that I expected you'd be single. A guy like you. I mean, all those men out there, you'd move on and find one that…" Chad went quiet. Zeb didn't know what to do or say. What could he say? Nothing.
    Somebody knocked on the door and Zeb had never been more grateful for an interruption in his life. He just needed to get out of there, away from Chad, where he could be alone and think – sort things out.
    When he opened the door it was just one of the men from the crew to let Zeb know they were packing up