Love Is Always Write Volume 4

thought you wanted me gone is because I was expecting it."
    "What? That doesn't make…" What the hell?
    "I heard you and your brother. That time you guys were out on the balcony arguing. I wasn't actually late getting home. I always hated..."
    "Being late," Chad finished for him, baffled at what an argument months earlier had to do with Zeb's leaving. "I know. But you got home at the end."
    "No. You just didn't hear me the first time. I made a bunch of racket when you guys were finished so you'd think I just walked in the door. And trust me, I heard enough. When I walked in your brother was ranting about what a deadbeat I am and how there couldn't possibly be anything serious between us. I kept waiting for you to argue… but you didn't."
    "Zeb, I'd already argued that point to death with him! It was obvious that I could've claimed you were Mother Theresa herself and he wouldn't have listened, so I decided to save my breath."
    "Maybe, but…"
    "There's no fucking maybe about it! My brother's an ass! I'd told you that a hundred times before."
    "Well, maybe I would have known for myself if you'd ever let me meet your family. Hell, I didn't even really meet him then. You barely introduced us before you pushed him out the door. Like you were embarrassed of me, or that you didn't even want to give him a chance to see I wasn't some worthless piece of shit like he thought I was."
    "Oh, for Christ's sake! I wanted him out the door because I didn't want to risk him saying something nasty and upsetting you. We'd already been out there arguing for over a half an hour. My fingers were freezing and when I saw you standing there in the kitchen all I could think about was having you hold me and make it all go away." Chad took a long breath and leaned his head back into the headboard. Zeb was still silent. "Zeb, I didn't want him in our home, period," he added quietly.
    "Then why…" Zeb started, his voice cracked and Chad heard him clear his throat. "Then why, when he asked you to give him a reason, why didn't you? He kept asking, saying he wanted just one reason why you were with me. And you never answered."
    Chad couldn't help it then, he laughed. "Because I didn't have just one, you idiot. I had millions. That and I'd stopped listening to him when I realized…" He stopped abruptly. "Oh, God." It came out almost as a sigh and he closed his eyes tight. "That's why you acted distant."
    "What are you talking about?"
    "All that time, I thought you were pushing me away because I told you I loved you." Too late, he realized what he'd said and that this new little revelation meant that Zeb probably hadn't heard it the first time around. He waited.
    "You… what? You… you never said that. Not once." Chad could barely hear Zeb's voice over the phone.
    "Actually, yeah I did. I… I thought you were sleeping. It was like practice," He let out a small chuckle at how ridiculous that sounded now. "I guess, to work up to telling you face to face. But then the very next day it felt like you were pushing me away, so I never said it again."
    "Trust me, I was sleeping, because I never heard you say it." There was a long pause before he continued quietly. "Did you really think that if I'd heard those words I would have reacted like that?"
    "Well, I knew how you were about anything that resembled emotions. It was like that stuff was off limits. I never minded, really. But hell, you'd tense if I so much as asked you about your childhood. You just didn't like to talk. I got it, but that doesn't mean it wasn't hard as hell to hold myself back."
    "Oh, God," Zeb breathed. "I don't talk about my past because that's exactly what it is… my past. It doesn't matter anymore. I know I'm not the best with talking about things, any things, but that's only because I'm not used to it. Before you the only person I'd been close to was Callie. That woman never gave me much of a choice." Chad heard Zeb snort softly but then he sobered."But Chad, even if I didn't say it, I thought… well, I guess I thought I showed you how I felt."
    Chad felt his eyes sting and knew he couldn't speak or he'd risk Zeb hearing how choked up he was. Damn! All this, and it was three years late. Too late.
    He grabbed the coffee back off the night stand hoping a drink would help to clear the lump in his throat. The coffee had gone cold and tasted like shit so he got up to top it off with hot. He took in a long gulp and walked over to the window to look out at the almost empty parking