Love Is Always Write Volume 4

Chad from the last three years, the one I thought dumped me, doesn't exist except in my head. The angrier I got at that Chad, the easier it was to not be hurt from my Chad. Does that make any sense?"
    Right now, Chad was pretty sure his mind wasn't firing on all cylinders, because he got Zeb's logic perfectly. "What does that have to do with an explanation?"
    "Nothing. Except I think that's why I didn't give you one last night."
    "Oh." Chad rubbed his eyes with his free hand and shivered. He pulled the comforter back up around his chest from where it had fallen into his lap. The room seemed so much colder than it had a few short hours ago. "Shit, I need some sleep and then some coffee."
    "Great! Get some more Z's and I'll order some coffee with room service. You can just come here."
    "Oh, um." Chad tried to hide his surprise. He wasn't really sure why he would be surprised though, Zeb had always been the take charge type. But – room service? Alone – in a hotel room? "Probably not the best plan. In your hotel room I mean."
    "Well, maybe not, but I figure if we're going to be talking it might be better to have some privacy. The steakhouse downstairs will be packed at lunchtime. Plus, that way if you want to yell at me we won't have a roomful for an audience."
    "Do you plan on telling me something I'll feel the need to yell about?"
    "I don't know. Honestly. I hope not, but if it's what you need…"
    Chad felt like laughing even though it wasn't all that funny. Zeb had him worried now. What could be that bad?
    "Hold on." Chad reached over to the bedside drawer and grabbed a pen and paper. "What's your number?"
    "What?"
    "Your number. As in the cell phone you're calling from."
    "What about lunch? Is that a yes or no?"
    Chad let out an exasperated sigh. It was too early for this shit. "I don't know. I'm not awake enough to remember my own birthday. Or have a conversation, as you can probably tell. I'll call you back."
    "Yeah, fine. I'm, uh… I'm sorry about calling so early." Zeb rattled off his number and Chad wrote it down. "Wait, don't I get yours?"
    "It'll be on your caller I.D. when I call you. Now let me get some stinkin' sleep."
    They hung up and Chad set the coffee up to brew before getting back in bed. He was exhausted and surprisingly, the talk with Zeb hadn't changed that. He just couldn't think. Or talk, apparently.
    ****
    He felt marginally better when he woke and smelled the coffee already done. The first long sip helped until he saw his reflection in the mirror and the dark circles under his eyes. Damn, he looked like death.
    It only took him another twenty minutes to be dressed, have one cup of coffee down and another sat beside him, and his bag packed near the door. He grabbed his phone and dialed before he could give himself enough time to think about it. When he heard the ringing on the other end he felt his nerves break out. Zing, pop and snap, and he was back to that nervous teen he felt like the first night he met Zeb. Ridiculous.
    When they'd talked on the phone earlier he hadn't been nervous at all. Just crabby. Of course, he hadn't exactly been thinking clearly either. Before he could keep torturing himself, Zeb picked up.
    "So this is you." Zeb said, trying to be funny he supposed.
    "This is me." There was a long pause, some ruffling in the background like maybe Zeb was getting comfortable on the bed like Chad was, or maybe just waking up. Why did he like the idea of that so much? "Listen, if you want to talk I'm thinking it would be better if we did it over the phone. No lunch. Just… I think it's easier this way." And Chad wasn't exaggerating. Hearing Zeb's voice on the phone was hard enough; he'd learned last night that having him in the same room with all those old emotions swirling around was pure torture.
    "And I suppose you just expect me to dive right in." Zeb's voice was quiet and obviously sleepy, so, yeah – just woke up.
    "No, I can start. Actually, I think I already know part of what you're going to say. The one thing that's really been bothering me, though, is how all it took was for me to suggest California for to you bolt. Because from where I'm sitting, the only thing that seems to make sense is that you left so easily because it's what you wanted to do all along."
    "No! No, that wasn't it!"
    "Then enlighten me." Chad didn't mean to snap, really.
    "First, there was nothing easy about leaving." Zeb's voice was a hard growl, leaving no room for argument. "And the reason I