Love Is Always Write Volume 4

knew where he could get a fix: it would be all too easy to call Aidy or any of the other guys he used to know, but he would hold out if it killed him. This week had been tough, and it had made him realize he'd been too complacent about it all. The tiny slate heart had been his protection against the temptation that sat like a beast on his shoulder - and now it was gone, lost forever in the thick red mud of Mount Arkwright.
    He cursed time and again his decision to ride the loop for the second time last weekend, and his slackness in letting the bike slide from under him. He had got himself clean by focus and discipline, and this is what happened when he let that focus slip, even just for a minute.
    He'd never felt lonelier in his life, and now he was officially through rehab, he had no one he could turn to any more. And try as he might, he couldn't rid himself of the memory of how sweet it would feel to tie off his arm, slide that needle into a vein and wait for the oblivion to overtake him.
    He slammed his fist on the nightstand. He would beat it. He had to.
    It was then that he registered the hammering on the downstairs door.
    Who the hell? He didn't give his address out: it was a long-standing habit from the days when he owed money to dealers all over town, and never knew who might turn up on the doorstep.
    Scowling, he pulled on his jeans over his shorts and ran bare-chested down the stairs. Probably a neighbor who'd been kept awake all night by his relentless pacing up and down.
    He flung the door open, ready for confrontation, but the words died on his lips.
    Danny was standing there.
    "Hey, man. I swung by your work and they told me you hadn't been in for a couple of days, that you were sick. I was worried about you."
    "I'm having a rough time. I'll give you a call when I'm feeling better." He knew how it sounded, but he was too ashamed to talk about it.
    He saw the hurt in Danny's eyes, and that made him feel worse. He went to turn away and push the door shut, but Danny's foot was in it.
    "Buddy, I can't go off and leave you like this." Danny's voice was worried. "Not after what you told me last weekend."
    "I'll be OK."
    But Danny wasn't ready to give up.
    "You look like you could use some company. I'll come up, grab a beer or a soda or something."
    Aaron's mind was racing. Other than Carly and his probation officer, no one had ever set foot in his apartment.
    He couldn't believe that Sam at the garage - it would have been Sam - had handed out the address. But then, everyone liked Danny, with his easy charm, and he often dropped in for a chat with Aaron and the guys about bikes. That was how they'd met, when Danny came in to buy some parts and they'd got into one of their motocross discussions.
    Danny paused in the lounge and whistled.
    "Nice apartment. Man, you're tidy. You should see my place."
    Aaron sat down, handing Danny a soda from the fridge, trying to avoid showing that he was trembling with the effort of holding everything together in front of someone else.
    He knew he should be honest with him.
    "It's part of how I cope with things. I have to be very focused and disciplined about everything. My apartment, my bike, my job. If I let things slip, even just a tiny bit, everything starts to go wrong."
    He knew how crazy that sounded, and he half-expected Danny to be weirded-out and to take off down the stairs.
    But instead, Danny nodded, with understanding in those green-flecked eyes of his, and came to sit right next to him on the sofa.
    "Anyways, that's not the only reason I dropped round. I got something for you."
    "Yeah?"
    "You know that little heart you lost on the weekend? The one you were so worried about?"
    Aaron saw Danny's hand was shut tight, and something like hope bubbled deep inside him. It couldn't be... could it?
    He nodded.
    "That's what's been killing me, Danny. I know it sounds so stupid, for a grown man to worry about a piddly little thing like that, but I can't shake off this feeling that I've brought bad karma down on me because of it. I've not been the same since I lost it."
    Danny's eyes were shining as he opened his palm.
    "Aaron, you don't need to worry about nothin' any more. I went up there yesterday and dug around in that old red mud until I found it for you. You should have seen me; I was covered in it, worse than we were on the weekend."
    He looked at the little slate heart in Danny's palm, and a wave of relief and something else - he didn't know what - washed over him, and