Love Without You

Chapter 1 - What Kind of Life is this?
    Jessica lay on her bed with her heart s hattered into a thousand pieces. The tears had long since dried and now just the racking sobs persisted. She still heard the excuse Ben gave her of not being compatible anymore as he asked for his Grandmother’s ring back and as she took it off she felt like part of her had died. Where did this come from? Had she missed any signs? She tried to think back over the last few weeks to see what had happened but her head was throbbing so hard she couldn't even think straight. She knew he had been having a hard time at work with an assignment but didn't know what was going on. He kept saying it was nothing he wanted to talk about. But, this? What was this all about? He said it had been coming for several months but it had never been mentioned before.
    So where did she go from here? What did she do? After five years of being together with Ben she didn’t think she knew what to do. Everything had been surrounded by him.
    She got up and went to the medicine cabinet and took two aspirin and then went through the house, grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and headed out the back door. The beach lay in front of her and she knew this is where she would find her answers. The water had a strange and alluring effect on her and had often added comfort to her when she needed it. She needed it to straighten her thoughts out today. She didn't sleep well last night and today she didn't know if she would make it through it or not.
    She sat down on the beach and picked up a hand full of sand and let it go through her hand. This was a simple gesture that had significant meaning which she didn't even recognize. As the sand slipped through her hand so did her life as she knew it. She didn't realize how dependent she was on Ben till she started planning her life without him in it. Surely the ache in her heart would stop hurting so bad soon. Was she so insecure that she was dependent on a man to make her day a wreck or a success?
    There was a small breeze blowing as she watched the waves lap onto the shore. The sound of the water was like a serene pacifier for Jessica, always calming. Out of the corner of her eye she saw activity going on down the beach and it wasn't long before the dog that lived two doors down, Sassy, had loped up onto her lap and was giving her frantic kisses all over her face. It was like she knew that Jessica needed extra attention today. Josh the owner of the dog came shortly after the dog knowing where it would be.
    Josh was a good looking guy, six foot with a good personality but also engaged to be married so that was the common bond they shared, until today that is. The sun had given him blond highlights in his hair which added to his good looks. But the best part about him was his sense of humor. He was always smiling and had a tremendous positive attitude about life.
    Josh pulled up a beach chair and sat down beside her as he found a stick to throw for Sassy to chase. It was a few minutes before the conversation began. They just sat watching the water and throwing the stick for Sassy. There were many times when they sat like this, saying nothing, just enjoying being together, and appreciating the beauty of the scenery. No communication was needed.
    Today however Josh picked up on the vibe she was giving out and after looking at her hand accessed the situation very quickly. After talking to Josh she did feel a lot better. He seemed to understand because he said two weeks before he had broken up with his finance’. The relationship according to him was to intense and hard work. He thought when you were in love it was supposed to be simple and enjoyable. He said he got tired of trying so hard to please her and not knowing how to do so. Everything he did seemed to be wrong so finally he just gave up and broke off the engagement and he was much more content now which proved what he said was right.
    Combined with the water Josh had made her morning bearable and blocked the migraine that was starting. The sun was hot beating down on her and suddenly she was so tired and sleepy. She made her excuses to Josh and went back to the house and laid down on her bed. When she woke up it was almost 5:00. She couldn't believe she had slept the afternoon away but after last night she guessed she needed it. Exhaustion had taken over and an emotional nap had been in order. Whatever it was she felt a little better. She fixed her a salad and a glass