Lucy in the Sky

don’t care how melodramatic or selfish it sounds.
    But I will be okay. I’ll pick myself up, move on. My future is with James. My one-day husband and father of my children, probably. And Nathan will hear news of me from Sam and Molly and feel heartbroken over what he’s lost. The thought calms me, oddly, and I wipe my face, pick up my bag, and walk the rest of the journey to work in a daze.
    ‘I’m sorry I’m late,’ I tell Mandy, the moment I walk in the door. She studies my red eyes and waves me away.
    ‘It’s okay.’
    ‘I promise I’ll be back to normal in the New Year,’ I add, and she peers up at me and says kindly, ‘I know you will, Lucy. Don’t worry.’
    Gemma and Chloe eye me cagily as I go to sit down. None of us can speak openly because Mandy’s at her desk, so this conversation will have to wait until lunchtime.
    There’s a white envelope resting on my keyboard and I open it to find a lovely letter from Mandy telling me what a fantastic year I’ve had and giving me a large Christmas bonus. I’m gob-smacked and glance over at her. She senses my look and smiles as she continues to type on her computer. It cheers me up somewhat and I try to put Nathan to the back of my mind.
    We all head out to lunch at a posh Thai restaurant in Soho–there are fifteen of us in total–and I take a seat at the end of the table next to Chloe and Gemma.
    ‘Don’t be too nice to me,’ I caution, knowing it would only set me off again. As the waiter tops up our glasses with champagne, I start to fill them in. I mistake their expressions for sympathy at first but I soon sense something’s not right.
    ‘What is it?’ I ask guardedly. Gemma looks at Chloe, as though willing her to say something. Eventually Chloe does.
    ‘I didn’t know whether or not to…’
    ‘Go on…’ I press.
    ‘It’s…something William said.’
    ‘Tell me,’ I say, remembering James’s warning about William.
    ‘Well, it’s just that, I know you’re making a decision about James and Nathan at the moment and I thought you should…’
    ‘Just spit it out, Chloe, please,’ I ask, not unkindly.
    ‘Er, apparently James has a bit of a reputation,’ she says. ‘At work.’
    ‘Mmmhmm,’ I prompt, thinking: So does William. My straightforward attitude seems to unsettle her. ‘What sort of reputation?’
    ‘He, er, is said to, um, screw around a bit.’ She grimaces at the sound of the words on her tongue.
    ‘What do you mean? With Zoe?’
    ‘Er, not just her from what it sounds like.’
    ‘Right…’ I try to keep my feelings in check. ‘James also told me something about William.’
    ‘What?’ She’s wary. I don’t want to do this to her, but I have to.
    ‘He told me he’s a liar. That you should be careful. I’m sorry,’ I add, seeing the look on her face. ‘I wanted to tell you earlier but you seemed so cheerful.’
    Chloe glances at Gemma and they both fall silent.
    ‘What, you don’t believe me?’ I ask.
    ‘I don’t know what to believe,’ Chloe answers. ‘But it’s just that, well, William’s such a nice guy. I don’t think he’d lie about something like this.’
    Gemma nods in agreement.
    ‘Have you met him?’ I ask Gemma, surprised.
    ‘Yes,’ she answers. ‘Martin and I went out for a drink with them last night.’
    ‘So you were there when he said this?’ I’m feeling ever more nauseous at the thought of my friends having a good old gossip about poor little Lucy and her nasty dilemma. Gemma nods, embarrassed. I know I shouldn’t shoot the messengers but I suddenly feel angry. I don’t need this!
    ‘He just asked after you, that was all,’ Chloe explains. ‘And I told him,’ she adds feebly.
    ‘Well,’ I try to keep the coldness from my voice, ‘I guess we’llfind out the truth later, when we go to meet them.’ Then I excuse myself from the table and go to the bathroom.
    The person staring back at me is frightening, diamonds glinting dangerously in her ears. I splash cold water on my white face and take several deep breaths, willing myself to calm down.
    The mood when I get back is sombre, uncomfortable. We try to lighten up our conversation but it’s stifled. Eventually I turn and make conversation with one of the girls from accounts, who is sitting next to me.
    James texts me at 4 p.m.
    YOU STILL COMING? I MISS U
    I write back with a simple ‘yes’ and feel ill as I press send.
    After lunch, Chloe and I kiss Gemma goodbye for the holidays and walk outside to