Mary, Mary

moon a little egg lay on a leaf.’”
    Alex put his head against my chest, and as I felt my voice reverberate into him, my heart melted a little. Christine watched while I read. She smiled, clutching her mug with both hands.
What might have been
.
    A couple of minutes later, Alex had to go to the bathroom, and he asked me to go with him. “Please, Daddy.”
    Christine came over and whispered near my ear. “He’s having trouble hitting the toilet bowl with his pee. He’s a little embarrassed about it.”
    “Oh,” I said. “Fruit Loops. You have any?”
    Fortunately, Christine had a box, and I took it into the bathroom with Alex.
    I threw a couple into the bowl. “Here’s a cool game,” I said. “You have to put your pee right in the middle of a Fruit Loop.”
    He tried, and he did pretty good—hit the bowl anyway.
    I told Christine the trick when we came out, and she smiled and shook her head. “Fruit Loops. It’s a guy thing, right?”

Chapter 55
    THE REST OF MY DAY in Seattle was less stressful and a lot more fun. I took Little Alex to the aquarium, and it was easy, and gratifying, to throw myself into the time I had with him. He stared wide-eyed at the tropical fish and made a mess of his chicken fingers and ketchup at lunch afterward. For all I cared, we could have spent the day in a bus terminal waiting room.
    I loved watching him be himself, and also grow up. Every year it got better.
Ali. Like the great one
.
    My mind didn’t get too weighed down again until we were back at the house that night. Christine and I talked for a while on the front porch. I didn’t want to go inside, but I didn’t want to leave yet. And if I wasn’t imagining it, her eyes were a little red. Ever since I’d known her, she’d had mood swings, but they seemed to be getting worse.
    “I guess it’s my turn to ask if you’re all right,” I said. “Are you okay?”
    “I’m fine, Alex. Just the usual. Trust me, you don’t want to hear about my stuff.”
    “Well, if you mean romance, then you’re right. But otherwise, go ahead.”
    She laughed. “Romance? No, I’m just a little overextended these days. I do it to myself, always have. I’m working way too hard.”
    I knew she was the new head at a private school nearby. Other than that, I really didn’t have a clue what Christine’s life looked like anymore—much less why she had been crying before I got back to the house with Alex.
    “Besides,” she said, “we agreed last time I would ask about
you
. How are you doing? I know it’s hard, and I’m sorry for that, for everything that’s happened.”
    I told her in the briefest possible terms about the Mary Smith case, Nana’s recent dizzy spell, and that Jannie and Damon were doing fine. I left Jamilla out of the conversation, and she didn’t ask.
    “I’ve been reading about that terrible murder case in the paper,” Christine said. “I hope you’re being careful. It surprises me that a woman could be a killer.”
    “I’m always careful,” I told her. There was all kinds of irony going on here. Obviously, my job stood for a lot between Christine and me, and none of it was good.
    “This is all so strange, isn’t it?” she said suddenly. “Was it harder than you expected, being here today?”
    I told her that seeing Alex was worth whatever it took, but that honestly, seeing her was hard, too.
    “We’ve certainly had easier times than this, haven’t we?” she asked.
    “Yes, just not as parents.”
    She looked at me, and her dark eyes were so intelligent, as they always had been. “That’s so sad, Alex, when you put it that way.”
    I shrugged, with nothing to say.
    She put a tentative hand on my forearm. “I’m sorry, Alex. Really. I hope I’m not being insensitive. I don’t know what you’re feeling, but I do think I understand the position you’re in. I just —” She mustered up her next thought. “I just wonder sometimes what kind of parents we would have made. Together, I mean.”
    That was it. “Christine, you either
are
being insensitive or you’re trying to tell me something.”
    She sighed deeply. “I’m doing this all wrong. As usual. I wasn’t going to say anything today, but now I have. So, okay, here it is. I want Alex to have a two-parent life. I want him to know you, and believe it or not, I want you to know him. For everyone’s sake. Even mine.”
    I took a step back, and her hand fell limply away. “I don’t know what to say to that, Christine. I think