Mind Over Matter

and was on the street.
    “Aurora.” He was beside her, a hand on her arm, but she shook him off. “You can’t expect to just walk off after a statement like that.”
    “That’s just what I’m doing,” she corrected, and shook him off a second time.
    “I’ll take you up.” With what willpower he had left, he held on to patience.
    “No. Just go.”
    “We have to talk.”
    “No.” Neither of them was prepared for the desperation in her voice. “I want you to go. It’s late. I’m tired. I’m not thinking straight.”
    “If we don’t talk this out now, we’ll just have to do it later.”
    “Later, then.” She would have promised him anything for freedom at that moment. “I want you to go now, David.” When he continued to hold her, her voice quivered. “Please, I need you to go. I can’t handle this now.”
    He could fight her anger, but he couldn’t fight her fragility. “All right.”
    He waited until she had disappeared inside her building. Then he leaned back on the car and pulled out a cigarette. Later then, he promised himself. They’d talk. He stood where he was, waiting for his system to level. They’d talk, he assured himself again. But it was best to wait until they were both calmer and more reasonable.
    Tossing away the cigarette, he climbed back into the limo. He hoped to God he could stop thinking of her long enough to sleep.

6
    S he wanted to pace. She wanted to walk up and down, pull at her hair and walk some more. She forced herself to sit quietly on the sofa and wait as Clarissa poured tea.
    “I’m so glad you came by, dear. It’s so seldom you’re able to spend an afternoon with me.”
    “Things are under control at the office. Abe’s covering for me.”
    “Such a nice man. How’s his little grandson?”
    “Spoiled rotten. Abe wants to buy him Dodger Stadium.”
    “Grandparents are entitled to spoil the way parents are obliged to discipline.” She kept her eyes lowered, anxious not to show her own longings and apply pressure. “How’s your tea?”
    “It’s…different.” Knowing the lukewarm compliment would satisfy Clarissa saved her from an outright lie. “What is it?”
    “Rose hips. I find it very soothing in the afternoons. You seem to need a little soothing, Aurora.”
    A.J. set down her cup and, giving in to the need for movement, rose. She’d known when she’d deliberately cleared her calendar that she would come to Clarissa. And she’d known that she would come for help, though she’d repeatedly told herself she didn’t need it.
    “Momma.” A.J. sat on the sofa again as Clarissa sipped tea and waited patiently. “I think I’m in trouble.”
    “You ask too much of yourself.” Clarissa reached out to touch her hand. “You always have.”
    “What am I going to do?”
    Clarissa sat back as she studied her daughter. She’d never heard that phrase from her before, and now that she had, she wanted to be certain to give the right answers. “You’re frightened.”
    “Terrified.” She was up again, unable to sit. “It’s getting away from me. I’m losing the controls.”
    “Aurora, it isn’t always necessary to hold on to them.”
    “It is for me.” She looked back with a half smile. “You should understand.”
    “I do. Of course I do.” But she’d wished so often that her daughter, her only child, would be at peace with herself. “You constantly defend yourself against being hurt because you were hurt once and decided it would never happen again. Aurora, are you in love with David?”
    Clarissa would know he was at the core of it. Naturally she would know without a word being said. A.J. could accept that. “I might be if I don’t pull myself back now.”
    “Would it be so bad to love someone?”
    “David isn’t just someone. He’s too strong, too overwhelming. Besides…” She paused long enough to steady herself. “I thought I was in love once before.”
    “You were young.” Clarissa came as close as she ever did to true anger. She set her cup in its saucer with a little snap. “Infatuation is a different matter. It demands more and gives less back than love.”
    A.J. stood in the middle of the room. There was really no place to go. “Maybe this is just infatuation. Or lust.”
    Clarissa lifted a brow and sipped tea calmly. “You’re the onlyone who can answer that. Somehow I don’t think you’d have cleared your calendar and come to see me in the middle of a workday if you were concerned about