Monstrous Regiment

protest!” said Clogston. “Keenness is not a military vice!”
    “In moderation, certainly,” said Froc. “And you found evidence of some sort, did you?”
    “I did find a petticoat, sir,” said Strappi, feeling his way with care.
    “They why didn’t you—” Froc began, but Strappi interrupted.
    “I did serve for a while with Captain Wrigglesworth, sir,” he said.
    “And?” said Froc, but the officer on his left leaned over and whispered something to him.
    “Oh, Wrigglesworth. Ha, yes,” said Froc. “Of course. Fine officer, Wrigglesworth. Keen on, er—”
    “Amateur dramatics,” a colonel supplied in a noncommittal voice.
    “Right! Right! Ver’ good for morale, that sort of thing. Hrumph.”
    “With respect, General, I think I can offer a way through?” said another man with a general’s rank.
    “Really, Bob?” said Froc. “Oh, well…feel free. The record will show that I am yielding the floor to General Kzupi.”
    “I’m sorry, sir, I thought these proceedings were not being recorded?” said Clogston.
    “Yes, yes, of course, thank you so much for jogging my memory,” said Froc. “However, if we were to have a record, that is what it would show. Bob?”
    “Ladies,” said General Kzupi, flashing the squad a glossy smile. “And you too, of course, Lieutenant Blouse, and you too, er…” he looked quizzically at Maladict, who stared straight back “…sir?” General Kzupi, though, was not to be derailed by an eyeballing vampire, even one that couldn’t stand still. “Firstly, may I offer on behalf of all of us, I think, our thanks for the incredible job you have done? A splendid effort. But, sadly, the world we live in has certain…rules, you understand? To be frank, the problem here is not that you are women. As such, that is. But you persist in maintaining that you are. You see? We can’t have that.”
    “You mean if we put on uniforms again and swaggered around belching and saying ‘har har, fooled you all,’ that would be all right?” said Polly.
    “Perhaps I could help?” said yet another voice. Froc looked along the table.
    “Ah, Brigadier Stoffer. Yes?”
    “This is all rather damn silly, General—”
    “Hrumph!” said Froc.
    “What say?” said Stoffer, looking puzzled.
    “There are ladies present, Brigadier. That is, ahah, the problem.”
    “Damn right!” said Tonker.
    “Understood, General. But the party was led by a man, am I right?”
    “Lieutenant Blouse tells me he is a man, sir,” said Clogston. “Since he is an officer and a gentleman, I will take his word for it.”
    “Well, then, problem solved. These young ladies helped him. Smuggled him in, and so forth. Assisted him. Fine traditions of Borogravian womanhood and all that. Not soldiers at all. Give the man a big medal and make him a captain, and all this’ll be forgotten.”
    Strappi rocketed to his feet.
    “General, I protest! It would not be—”
    “Protest not accepted!” Froc snapped. “This is real politics, Captain. It is not about prying and peeking. It is not a matter for the Political Department!”
    Strappi deflated back into his chair. He caught Polly’s eye for a moment and then hastily looked away.
    “Very well,” said Froc, looking up and down the table, and then smoothing his paperwork and squaring off the edges like a man finishing for the day. “This sounds a very sensible and generous proposal to me, Major.”
    “Excuse me one moment, General,” said Clogston. “I will consult with what we would call the accused if anyone would enlighten me as to the precise nature of the charges.”
    He walked over to the squad and lowered his voice.
    “I think this is the best offer you’re going to get,” he said. “I can probably get the money, too. How about it?”
    “It’s completely ridiculous!” said Blouse. “They showed tremendous courage and determination. All this would not have been possible without them!”
    “Yes, Blouse, and you would be allowed to say that,” said Clogston. “Stoffer has come up with quite a clever idea. Everyone gets what they want, but you just have to avoid any suggestion that you were, in fact, acting as soldiers. Brave Borogravian women going to the aid of a gallant hero, that works. You could take the view that these are changing times, and you are helping them change faster. Well?”
    The squad exchanged glances.
    “Er…I’d be happy about that,” Shufti ventured. “If everyone else is.”
    “So you’d have your