Monstrous Regiment

baby without a husband?” said Polly.
    “He’s probably dead anyway, whoever he was,” sighed Shufti.
    “The general has influence,” said Clogston. “He might be able to—”
    “No, I’m not buying into this,” said Tonker. “It’s a gooey little lie. To hell with them.”
    “Lofty?” said Polly.
    Lofty struck a match, and stared at it. She could find matches anywhere.
    There was another crump , high above.
    “Maladict?” said Polly.
    “Llet tthe bball rroll. II ssay nno.”
    “And you, Lieutenant?” Clogston asked.
    “It’s dishonorable,” said Blouse.
    “Could be problems for you if you don’t accept, though. With your career.”
    “I suspect I haven’t got one, Major, whatever happens. No, I will not live a lie. I know, now, that I’m not a hero. I’m just someone who wanted to be one.”
    “Thank you, sir,” said Polly. “Er…Jade?”
    “One of der trolls wot arrested me hit me with his club an’ I frew a table at him,” said Jade, looking at the floor.
    “That was mistreatment of a pris—!” Blouse began, but Clogston said: “No, Lieutenant, I know something about trolls. They are very…physical. So…he’s a rather attractive lad, is he, Private?”
    “I got a good feelin’ about him,” said Jade, blushing. “So I don’t want to be sent home. Nothin’ for me there, anyway.”
    “Private Igor…ina?” said Blouse.
    “I think we ought to give in,” said Igorina.
    “Why?” said Polly.
    “Because Wazzer’s dying.” She raised a hand. “No, please don’t cluster round. Give her air, at least. She hasn’t eaten. I can’t get any water down her at all.” She looked up with redrimmed eyes. “I don’t know what to do! ”
    “The Duchess talked to her,” said Polly. “You all heard. And you know what we saw down in the crypt.”
    “And I said I don’t believe any of that!” said Tonker. “It’s her…mind. They made her crazy enough. And we were all so tired, we’d see anything. All that stuff about wanting to get to the High Command? Well, here they are, and I don’t see any miracles. Do you?”
    “I don’t think she would have wanted us to give in,” said Polly.
    No
    “Did you hear that?” said Polly, although now she wasn’t certain if the word had turned up in her head via her ears. “No, I didn’t!” said Tonker. “I didn’t hear it!”
    “I don’t think we can accept this compromise, sir,” said Polly to the major.
    “Then I won’t,” said Shufti promptly. “I don’t…this wasn’t…I only came because…but…look, I’m staying with you. Erm…what can they do to us, sir?”
    “Put you in a cell for a long time, probably,” said the major. “They’re being kind to you—”
    “Kind?” said Polly.
    “Well, they think they’re being kind,” said Clogston. “And they could be a lot worse. And there’s a war on. They don’t want to look bad, but Froc didn’t get to be a general by being nice. I have to warn you about that. You’re still turning this down?”
    Blouse looked around at his men.
    “I believe we are, Major.”
    “Good,” said Clogston, winking.
    Good.
    Clogston went back to his table and shuffled his papers.
    “The allegedly accused, sir, regretfully turn down the offer.”
    “Yes, I thought they might,” said Froc. “In that case, they are to be returned to the cells. They will be dealt with later.” Plaster showered down as something hit the outer wall again. “This has gone quite far enough!”
    “We won’t be sent to the cells!” Tonker shouted.
    “Then that is mutiny, sir!” said Froc. “And we know how to deal with that!”
    “Excuse me, General, does that then mean the tribunal does agree that these ladies are soldiers?” said Clogston.
    General Froc glared at him.
    “Don’t you try to tie me up with procedural nonsense, Major!”
    “It’s hardly nonsense, sir, if the very basis—”
Duck
    The word was the faintest, merest suggestion in Polly’s head, but it also seemed to be wired to her central nervous system. And not only hers. The squad ducked, Igorina throwing herself across her patient’s body.
    Half the ceiling collapsed. The chandelier fell down and exploded in a kaleidoscope of splintering prisms. Mirrors shattered.
    And then there was, by comparison at least, silence, broken only by the thud of a few late bits of plaster and the tinkle of a tardy shard.
    Now…
    Footsteps approached the big doors at the end of the room, where the guards were just struggling