Moonglass

go again.” He stepped back and shook his head. “I hope your legs are ready to run.”
    I turned and saw two circles of light in the water, making their way closer to the shore in front of my house. So we ran. Water and lights went by in a blur, and I felt light and fast. We took the back steps to the yard two at a time, and I burst through the kitchen door and threw produce from the refrigerator onto the counter while Tyler grabbed the hose and took up his post rinsing our gear. By the time my dad and Andy tromped up the steps and emptied their lobsters onto the patio, I had caught my breath and was calmly slicing an avocado.
    For the rest of the night, Tyler and I weaved our way into each other’s paths in small ways—a hand brush while passing a plate, a bump when stepping past each other, a brief second of eye contact when no one else was looking. It was like a game, to see how much we could pass off as chance. The effort of it probably wasn’t necessary, though, based on the number of beer bottles lined up on the picnic table. My dad and Andy were on a roll in full glory-days mode, and the stories kept coming as we sat around the low tiled fire ring my dad had bought, surely picturing nights like this one. Still, I liked the idea of trying to keep things with Tyler secret and out of sight. It occupied my mind enough to make me feel like I could just let everything else drift away to be forgotten, the way it had almost been before.
    By the end of the night, Andy and my dad had regaled themselves with tales of lifeguarding heroics that had grown in danger and gore each time I’d heard them. Tyler seemed genuinely interested, and won them over by being appropriately impressed, and even adding a few incidents of his own to the mix. At least for the night, he was in the circle of their approval. They included him as one of their own, which made for an easy and comfortable evening. It had cooled down considerably, but the fire warmed my legs as I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes, listening to their voices and the occasional pop of the coals that remained. When I finally opened my eyes, the tiny twinkle of a star winked through the leaves above me, and I wished that everything could stay like it was, with my mother safely out at sea and the water in my dreams calm and glassy.
    Almost instantly she’s there. I see the familiar long white skirt and the long blond hair swirling around her. It’s just as before, just as it is every time. She walks out slowly but resolutely, unaware of anything else. The frigid wind whips around me and I hug my arms to my chest, trying to hold on to any warmth I can. I’ve been cold for so long. I see the sharp intake of breath when the water reaches her chest, and I sink back down onto the sand, defeated, knowing what comes next. But this time she doesn’t disappear into the swirls of black water .
    She turns back to me .
    Her eyes are green and clear. When they fall on me, the resolve of her face softens and she looks sorrowful for a moment. I want to look away. I want to run, call my dad. I want to go to her .
    It’s just the two of us, and she’s treading water now, bobbing her chin down into it and then spitting the tangy salt water out, and I’m sure that her lips must be blue, because I’m shivering cold and I haven’t touched the water yet .
    I hesitate, then walk forward to where the water meets the sand, and when the foam rides up around my ankles, it is me who breathes in sharply, involuntarily, because of the cold .
    I’m about to turn around when the water begins to suck back . I know this sensation, the water pulling all around my feet until it’s gone and I am standing on a tiny island. But this time water rushes up from under my feet, where my tiny island should be. It lifts me up and then drops me cruelly into the cold that bites and stings at first touch, and I’m on a rushing river out to sea. Out to my mother .

CHAPTER 21
    Thick, sullen fog clouded my morning, and the rest of the day wasn’t much different. I walked into first period late, had one of Strickland’s insults hurled at me, then noticed my usual seat behind Tyler was taken by the blond girl who was also in my English class. She smiled sweetly at me, then leaned forward, tapped his shoulder and whispered something in his ear. He dug a pencil out of his backpack, then looked over at me and rolled his eyes when he handed it back to her. I felt slightly better but didn’t have the