Never a Hero

and since most people are right-handed, most injuries happen to the right hand, which means most of the music is written for the left.”
    “I never would have thought of that.”
    “Me neither. But there are exceptions to the rule, of course.”
    “Thank you.”
    “I showed them to Amelia—”
    “That’s what you were talking to her about!”
    “She said it would take practice, but that she’s never had a student as dedicated as you. She said she had no doubt that by next year’s recital, you’ll be able to play something by yourself.”
    “What about June?”
    He laughed. “Well, the truth is, she’s a bit of a flake when it comes to things like this. She did the recital, but don’t be surprised if she finds an excuse to quit in the next couple of months.”
    I flipped through the music. Most of it looked too hard, but a few of them looked possible.
    “The thing is,” Nick said, his voice suddenly quiet, “I don’t want to see you quit. I like hearing you play. I like—”
    He stopped short, and I dropped the music on the piano bench in order to face him.
    “You like what?”
    “I like having you here.”
    “I like being here.”
    He took a deep, quavering breath. “Owen, please don’t make this more difficult than it needs to be.”
    “You’re the one making it difficult, not me.”
    “It’s just that I want you to keep playing because I think you love it—”
    “I think you love me.”
    He ducked his head. “I do. But it’s not that simple.”
    “It’s exactly that simple.”
    “Owen—”
    “Coincidentally enough, I’ve been doing some research too. And I have a gift for you.” I pulled out the box of condoms I’d hidden in my coat pocket and placed it in his hand.
    He stared down at it for a long time while I took off my coat and toed my shoes off my feet. When I turned to face him again, his cheeks were red. There was also a tent forming in his sweats.
    “It’s too dangerous.”
    “No, it’s not.”
    “You don’t want this disease.”
    “You’re right, I don’t. But I do want you, and I’m tired of letting you push me away. I’m tired of letting you decide who gets to be happy and who doesn’t.”
    “Is that really what I’m doing?”
    “You were, but it’s stopping now. It’s stopping today.” I stepped closer to him. I let my hand play over his growing erection as I brushed my lips over his.
    “I don’t know, Owen—”
    “I do. Stop arguing and tell me this: wouldn’t you like to bottom again? Wouldn’t you like to lie flat on your stomach and be fucked?”
    His breath caught. He moaned, a sound of dismay, but of surrender too. I couldn’t help but smile.
    “I thought so.”
    I took his hand and he let me lead him into the bedroom. He watched me undress. I’d never seen him look so uncertain.
    “This is a bad idea.”
    “Shut up.” I pushed the waistband of his sweats down over his hips. I let them catch on his erection just to hear him gasp when it finally popped free. “Lie down on the bed.”
    He did, although I noticed how his hands shook. I put a condom on and added some lube. I climbed onto the bed, straddling his thighs the way he’d done to me that first time.
    “Owen,” he said, and I thought he might be near tears.
    “Nick, listen to me. I know what I’m doing.” I looked down at his gorgeous, round ass. I thought about what I was about to do. Did I know what I was doing? Not when it came to fucking him, no, I had no clue. But that wasn’t the point. “I’ve read everything I can find on HIV transmission. Now, if you were about to fuck me, it would be a bit more of a risk, but that’s not what either of us wants. It’s less of a risk this way, and with the condom, it’s negligible.”
    “Negligible, yes. But it’s still there.”
    There was still lube on my fingers, and I pushed them between his firm cheeks, feeling for his opening. He sighed and slid his legs apart. Only an inch or so, since I was straddling him, but enough that I could trace his crack until I found what I sought. I caressed his rim, and his moan of pleasure was the most gratifying thing I’d ever heard. “You’re right. It’s still a risk, but here’s the thing, Nick: It’s my risk. It’s my decision. And I’ve decided it’s worth it.”
    “Owen,” he groaned. I could hear the conflict in his voice, desire warring with his conscience. He pushed his ass toward my hand, but the sound he made was almost a sob. I slid my fingers into him.