Night Watch

told the story. Sometimes Captain Wrangle, who was plotting things on the map, would whistle under his breath.
    “It’s huge, sir. It really is! Nearly a quarter of the city’s behind barricades down there!”
    Major rubbed his forehead and turned to Trooper Gabitass, the last man in and the one who seemed to have taken pains to get the most information.
    “They’re all on a sort of line, sir. So I rode up to the one in Heroes Street, with me helmet off and looking off-duty, sort of thing, and I asked what was it all about. A man shouted down that everything was all right, thank you very much, and they’d finished all the barricades for now. I said what about law and order, and they said we’ve got plenty, thank you.”
    “No one fired at you?”
    “No, sir. Wish I could say the same round here, people were throwing stones at me and an old lady empty a pissp—a utensil all over me from her window. Er…there’s something else, sir. Er…”
    “Out with it, man.”
    “I, er, think I recognized a few people. Up on the barricades. Er…they were some of ours, sir…”

    Vimes shut his eyes in the hope that the world might become a better place. But when he opened them, it was still full of the pink face of only-just Sergeant Colon.
    “Fred,” he said, “I wonder if you fully understand the basic idea here? The soldiers—that’s the other people, Fred—they stay on the outside of the barricade. If they are in the inside, Fred, we don’t, in any real sense, have a bloody barricade. Do you understand?”
    “Yes, sir. But—”
    “You want to do a spell in a regiment, Fred, and one of the things I think you’ll find they’re very hot on indeed is knowing who’s on your side and who is not, Fred.”
    “But, sir, they are—”
    “I mean, how long have I known you, Fred?”
    “Two or three days, sir.”
    “Er…right. Yeah. Of course. Seems longer. So why, Fred, do I arrive here and find you’ve let in what seems like a platoon? You haven’t been thinking metaphysically again, have you?”
    “It started with Billy Wiglet’s brother, sir,” said Colon nervously. “A few of his mates came with him. All local lads. And there’s a lad Nancyball grew up with and a bloke who’s the son of Waddy’s next-door neighbor who he used to go out drinking with, and then there’s—”
    “How many, Fred?” said Vimes wearily.
    “Sixty, sir. Might be a few more by now.”
    “And it doesn’t occur to you that they might be part of some clever plan?”
    “No, Sarge, it never did. ’Cos I can’t see Wally Wiglet being part of a clever plan, Sarge, on account of him not being much of a thinker, sir, they only allowed him to be in the regiment after he got someone to paint L and R on his boots. See, we know ’em all, Sarge. Most of the lads join up for a bit, just to get out of the city and maybe show Johnny Foreigner who’s boss. They never expected to have old grannies spitting on them in their own city, Sarge. That can get a lad down, that sort of thing. And getting cobblestones chucked up them too, of course.”
    Vimes gave in. It was all true.
    “All right,” he said. “But if this goes on, everyone is going to be inside the barricade, Fred.”
    And there could be worse ways of ending it, he thought.
    People had lit fires in the streets. Some cooking pots had been brought out. But most of the people were engaging in Ankh-Morpork’s traditional pastime, which was hanging around to see what’d happen next.
    “What’s going to happen next, Sarge?” said Sam.
    “I think they’ll attack in two places,” said Vimes. “The cavalry will go right outside the city and try and come in through the Shambling Gate because that’ll look easy. And the soldiers and…the rest of the Watch who aren’t on our side will probably creep across Mis-begot Bridge under cover.”
    “Are you sure, sir?”
    “Positive,” said Vimes. After all, it had already happened…or something…
    He pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn’t quite remember when he’d slept last. Slept, not dozed or been unconscious. He knew his thinking was a little fuzzy around the edges. But he did know how the Treacle Mine Road barricade had been broken. It had only been one sentence in the history book, but he remembered it. Sieges that weren’t broken via treachery were breached via some small door around the back. It was a fact of history.
    “But it won’t be for an hour or two,” he said aloud. “We’re not