One Perfect Summer

of view. But of course I can’t.
    Days pass and more pieces hit the headlines, but Joe is still in hiding. Journalists delve further into his past and manage to speak to his friends in Cornwall, including, to my distress, the girl he shared his first kiss with. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if they ever came knocking on my door.
    I’m utterly distracted with all of this, but I find the strength to reassure Lukas and somehow pretend that I’m taking it all in my stride, even though I’m not. Luckily he goes off to work each day, and because school doesn’t start for another couple of weeks I’m able to scour the internet for news.
    At the beginning of September, Lukas flies home for a long weekend and I go to stay with my parents. Rosalinde had a baby girl a couple of months ago, and I know he wants to catch up with her while he’s in Germany, but I can’t even summon the energy to care. I go over to Lizzy’s on Saturday night after she’s put Ellie to bed.
    ‘How are you feeling?’
    ‘Weary,’ I confess.
    ‘Did you know half the stuff they’re going on about in the papers?’
    ‘Yeah. All of it.’
    ‘You knew it all?’ She looks surprised.
    ‘And quite a bit more.’
    She gives me a strange look.
    ‘What are you thinking?’ I ask.
    ‘You knew him for only a few weeks . . .’ she replies with confusion.
    ‘It felt like a lot longer,’ I say with a rueful smile.
    She looks thoughtful. ‘I never could understand why you were so heartbroken after Dorset. I think I get it now.’
    ‘Why, because you, like everyone else, can see what all the fuss is about?’ I say this drily.
    ‘That’s part of it,’ she admits. ‘But I guess I didn’t really believe you were properly in love with him. I thought it was just a holiday romance, a teenage crush, that sort of thing.’
    ‘No. It was real. Well, it was for me, anyway,’ I add sadly.
    She regards me through narrowed eyes. ‘Do you still love him?’
    Every second of every minute of every hour of every day . . .
    I look down at my hands. There’s no point in denying it. ‘Yes.’
    ‘Bollocks,’ she says with a sigh.
    ‘That’s one way of putting it.’
    She sits up suddenly. ‘What if he does still think about you? What if he still loves you? What if something went wrong and he tried to come for you, but he couldn’t? What if he’s been trying to find you for years?’
    ‘No. Stop it. He could have found me – I wasn’t hard to find – but he didn’t. And why would he think of me now? Have you seen the women he goes around with? He’s clearly not lacking in female attention. God, it’s embarrassing even talking about this! It’s over. I don’t want to talk about him anymore.’
    ‘But what if—’
    ‘No,’ I interrupt. ‘No more. Talk about something else or I’m going back to Mum and Dad’s.’
    ‘Okay, okay!’ she cries. ‘Blimey.’
    Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’ comes on the radio.
    ‘I love this song,’ she says.
    ‘It makes me sad,’ I reply.
    ‘Me too.’ We sit there in silence, listening. ‘Hey, it’s like you and Joe!’ she exclaims.
    ‘What are you going on about?’
    ‘It’s like you and Joe! Except he’s Adele. You’re the one who’s settled down and married now. I bet he’d cry if he knew.’
    ‘You’ve had too much to drink.’
    ‘Imagine that, though! Imagine if he did still love you and he found out you were married! He’d be so cut up!’
    ‘I thought we were changing the subject.’
    ‘Yeah, but, seriously!’
    ‘Right, that’s it. I’m going to my parents’.’ I make to stand up.
    ‘Don’t go! I’m sorry. Let’s talk about something else.’
    Hesitantly I settle back down on the sofa.
    ‘Did you see that Phoenix Seven is now coming out in early December?’ I stare at her in disbelief. ‘They must’ve brought the release date forward to capitalise on all the press,’ she continues.
    ‘Are you seriously talking about Joe’s new film?’ I ask with amazement. I can’t even be cross about it.
    ‘Sorry, sorry!’
    More silence. She starts to say something and then stops.
    ‘What?’ I ask.
    ‘Did you . . . Were you . . . Oh, never mind.’
    ‘Spit it out!’
    ‘Why did you marry Lukas when you were still in love with Joe?’
    ‘Fucking hell, Lizzy!’ I exclaim.
    ‘Sorry, but I just don’t understand!’
    ‘I’m in love with Lukas too, you dimwit!’ I snap, but I’m not really angry. Not properly.
    ‘Yes, but . . . when you saw that DVD of