Paint Me Beautiful

You have to prove yourself or there will be nothing to love; you'll just be a fat girl who can't follow things through. Is that what you want?
    I start to feel the joy of last night slipping away. Not surprising. Inside of me is a poison. I have a disorder that I don't even know about yet. I'm suffering from so many hidden demons that recovery is not going to be instantaneous; it's not even going to be quick. I can't be shocked or forced into it, I have to be eased gently. Of course, I'm aware of none of this at that point. All I care about is how far and how fast I can run, how much I can push my body without collapsing.
    Well, that's not entirely true.
    When I come back around the opposite side of the house and see Emmett climbing into his car, I jog up to him and pause in the gravel, tugging my earbuds out with one hand and leaning against his hood with the other. He looks up at me like he's surprised to see me out here.
    “ Hey!” Emmett says, standing up and slipping his arms around my waist like he knows me. I don't fight against him, but I don't protest either.
    “ I'm going to get you all sweaty,” I tell him as he presses a gentle kiss to my lips. It feels just as good now as it did last night. I step away as soon as our mouths part, trying my best not to let him see how weak and shaky I feel. Dizziness sweeps over me and the world tilts and turns as I struggle to stand still.
    “ That's okay,” he tells me with a gentle smile, sliding his hands into his front pockets. “I'm going to go home and get changed anyway. When I told your sister I quit my other job, she asked if I could start right away, so … ” He shrugs his shoulders as I let my gaze swing over to the large front window that looks right out on the two of us. Marlena is standing there sipping her coffee. Stupid bitch, go home! I think as she waves at me and smirks. “I left you a note,” he explains, sounding sheepish. “I didn't want you to think I was the kind of guy who – ” I hold up my hands, thankful that the earth has not stopped spinning for the moment.
    “ It's okay, I get it,” I tell him. “I've got a lot to do today anyway.”
    “ Right,” he says, pulling a hand out of his jeans and snapping his fingers. “Your callback.” I glance away for a moment and try not to let that lie bother me. It's best if I just keep up with it. I can always just say that I didn't get the gig. “Text me tonight and tell me how it goes. Maybe we'll have cause to celebrate tomorrow?” I smile, but I don't say anything. I'm warring with myself inside. I shouldn't be encouraging Emmett to hang around, but my heart is practically desperate to make him mine. I end up coming to a quick compromise, one that makes me uneasy but which I can't deny.
    I will date Emmett. That is, if he wants to date. Honestly, I still don't quite understand the guy. Anyway, I'll try to get to know him and see how things work out. My brain gives my heart one condition: our dreams come first. If Emmett becomes an obstacle, we get rid of him.
    “ Maybe,” I say, giving him one last kiss. This time, he grabs the back of my neck gently and holds me there for several moments.
    “ See you later, Claire,” he whispers as soon as we part. Then Emmett gets in his car and drives away, leaving me cold and shaky and frankly, pretty terrified about going back inside the house. Of course Marlena decided to spend the night last night. What luck. I imagine looking Big Bob and my mother in the face knowing they now have the full knowledge that I am definitely not a virgin and that I slept with a guy I barely know inside their house last night. I mean, I lost my virginity when I was sixteen and maybe they sort of guessed that, but guessing and knowing about your child's sex life are totally different things.
    “ Don't you have a life?” I ask as soon as I set foot inside and see Marlena. “You're in your mid-twenties and you spend the majority of your time at your parents' house. Doesn't that bother you?”
    “ Emmett is so respectful,” she says as she smiles around her coffee. “Honestly, I think dating him is the best decision you've ever made.”
    “ Gee, thanks,” I tell her as I refill my water bottle and swig the whole thing in less than a minute. Marlena is staring at me with her laser vision, scanning my body, noticing the set of my shoulders and the way my collarbone protrudes from my chest.
    “ Are you okay, kiddo?” she asks, no longer smiling. The hair