Pictures of Lily

seat next to me.
    ‘So you guys all knew each other in the UK?’ I ask.
    ‘Ally, Richard and Nathan shared a house in Archway,’ Lucy explains.
    ‘That place was a tip,’ Nathan jokes.
    ‘You can talk,’ Ally responds. ‘Your washing-up sat in the sink for days on end.’
    ‘What did you do over there?’ I ask her.
    ‘Nursing.’ She smiles at me. ‘What about you?’
    ‘I work for a publishing company,’ I reply.
    ‘That’s so cool!’ she exclaims.
    ‘You’re back at Marbles on Monday, aren’t you?’ Lucy chips in.
    I nod.
    ‘ Marbles ?’ Ally repeats. ‘As in that trendy, glossy guys’ mag?’
    ‘That’s the one,’ Richard interjects.
    ‘Wow – that’s such an awesome job!’
    ‘Aah, I’m only the secretary,’ I say.
    ‘Editorial assistant,’ Richard corrects, smiling across me at Ally. ‘She’s too modest.’
    ‘Sounds ultra-glam to me,’ she says. ‘What about you guys?’ She looks at Nathan, Richard and Lucy. ‘What are you up to these days?’
    She stays and chats for another ten minutes before getting back to her friends. Richard puts his arm around me and kisses my temple.
    ‘You okay?’ he asks again.
    ‘Yes.’ I smile. Bizarrely, I am. I don’t feel jealous or insecure. If Richard weren’t the man he is, I’m sure I would feel both. Love fills me up and I kiss his cheek.
    ‘Thank you for being so nice to her,’ Richard says sincerely.
    ‘It wasn’t hard.’
    He rubs my arm and gives me a squeeze. ‘Shall we go home?’
    I nod, happily.
    That night, lying in the crook of my boyfriend’s arm, I realise that I barely thought about Ben all evening. I almost felt as I did several weeks ago, when I didn’t have this additional complication in my life. Maybe this is the way it’s supposed to be. Maybe I can handle a future without Ben. But when I try to imagine it properly the pain is so intense I feel as if it could cripple me.

Chapter 26
     
    It’s my first day back at Marbles today and it should be fantastic, but I’m finding it hard to smile. Ben is coming to meet me at lunchtime, but even that brings little comfort. I haven’t used my camera all weekend and I’m wondering if I should return it. I can’t bear to confess this to him.
    At one o’clock I walk down the five flights of stairs and attempt a cheery wave at Mel on reception. I’m hoping I’ll miss Nicola this time. I leave the building and turn the corner, looking around for Ben, but he’s not there. I stand and lean up against the wall and check the clock on my mobile phone.
    ‘Am I late?’ he calls, and I turn to see him walking briskly towards me.
    ‘No, you’re on time.’
    He engulfs me in a quick embrace, then pulls away and looks down at me. ‘What’s wrong?’
    ‘Nothing.’
    ‘You look sad.’
    ‘I’m okay.’ But I can barely turn up the corners of my lips.
    ‘Tell me.’ He’s still holding my arms as he searches my face.
    ‘It’s nothing,’ I lie, looking away.
    ‘No, it’s not,’ he insists, shaking me ever so slightly. ‘I know you.’
    ‘How can you say you know me when you’ve barely seen me?’ I step out of his grasp.
    ‘I just do.’
    ‘Maybe I’ve changed.’
    ‘You haven’t.’ He regards me so seriously that I can’t tear my eyes away. Suddenly they’re brimming with tears.
    ‘Hey,’ he says softly, putting his hand to my cheek.
    I quickly take another step backwards. He drops his hand to his side.
    ‘Shall we walk?’
    I nod my head in agreement and set off. He hurries after me.
    ‘Who needs sneakers when you can walk this fast in high heels, hey?’ he jokes.
    I glance at him sideways. ‘Trainers,’ I say.
    ‘Trainers, sneakers . . . We can call them trainers if it makes you happy.’
    I purse my lips to try to stop myself from smiling. ‘I’m back at Marbles magazine this week,’ I tell him.
    ‘Are you really? That’s excellent.’ He knows all about how I covered for Bronte before. ‘Is it just for a week?’
    ‘Yeah. Apparently the editorial assistant is on a shoot.’
    ‘A photo-shoot?’
    ‘Yes. In Bali.’
    ‘Cool. I didn’t know editorial assistants got to do things like that.’
    ‘Neither did I,’ I admit. ‘I think she’s started helping out on the picture desk a bit more. I suspect that’s where she’d like to work.’
    ‘Pretty good stepping stone, then.’
    ‘That’s what I was thinking.’
    ‘Would you like to work on the picture desk?’ he asks.
    ‘Yeah. Definitely more than what I’m