Pictures of Lily

going to have Christmas dinner with us?’
    ‘That’s the one.’
    ‘He’s a bit of alright, isn’t he?’
    ‘Mum!’ I squawk.
    ‘It’s okay, I’m only teasing,’ she says, but I can see she’s not. The thought of my mum with Ben . . . I could throw up.
    ‘So he’s the one who’s been giving you all these driving lessons?’ she continues as we set off.
    ‘Yes,’ I say crossly. ‘Speaking of driving lessons, do you think I can concentrate now?’
    ‘No need to be so snappy, Lily,’ she huffs. I try to ignore her so we can move on, but I know her mind is ticking over, wanting to interrogate me further about my beautiful Ben.
    My stomach is churning terribly. And it has little to do with my mum’s twisted interests. Ben has cancelled our day out tomorrow. He’s only here for a few more days and then he’ll be gone forever. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Chapter 12
     
    I can’t bring myself to speak to anyone on Monday, but even though I feel sick to my bones, I refuse to take time off. It’s Ben’s last day, and time is running out to confront him.
    ‘Darl, you look awful,’ Michael says to me at lunchtime. ‘I hope you’re not coming down with that weird flu virus.’
    ‘I’m sure it’s something I ate,’ I murmur.
    Ben doesn’t appear for lunch so I couldn’t talk to him even if I could muster the courage. It also seems that wherever he’s working, one of his colleagues is always there, chatting to him about his forthcoming move. I can’t get a moment alone with him. It breaks my heart that afternoon to stand there in the staffroom with a bunch of smiling faces as they sing ‘For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow’ and Ben cuts his leaving cake. I shake my head to refuse a slice as yet another person tells me how unwell I look. It feels like Ben is the only person yet to comment on my lifeless appearance.
    As he turns to leave the staffroom I reach out to get his attention in desperation, but at the last millisecond another of his colleagues spins him around to shake his hand. I stand there nervously waiting, but he moves in the other direction across the room saying his goodbyes.
    ‘Come on then, love,’ Michael says to me. ‘We should get you home to bed.’
    ‘I want to say goodbye to Ben.’ There’s a lump in my throat and I’m trying hard not to cry.
    ‘Ben! We’re off!’ Michael shouts as Ben turns around. He glances at me and then at Michael before bounding over.
    ‘See you soon, mate.’ Ben shakes Michael’s hand warmly.
    ‘I hope not,’ Michael jokes. ‘All the best for the future. Stay in touch, won’t you.’
    ‘Of course.’
    I stare up at him, willing him to convey something to me with his eyes. This can’t be the last moment I spend with him.
    ‘Bye, Lily,’ he says, not holding my gaze for any length of time. ‘Thanks for all your help with the koalas. Take care of Olivia for me.’
    I nod, unable to speak for fear of breaking down.
    ‘Good luck, Ben!’ another colleague calls and Ben moves away to speak to them. Michael ushers me out of the door, while every single part of me is screaming out to stay.
    I can’t go into work the next day and no one is surprised. I lie in bed, red-eyed from crying myself to sleep. I can’t make it into work the day after that. Or the next. It’s only when my mum starts talking about taking me to see a doctor that I pretend to feel better. But inside I’m dying.
    On Friday when I finally make it in, pale-faced and delirious from the pain of losing him, I can find no comfort in my work or the animals I tend to. I can’t even bear to look at Olivia because she reminds me too much of Ben. It’s only two weeks until term begins and then I could continue to work on weekends. But I can’t see how I can stay here, even for another day. I go to see Trudy in the office and tell her I need a couple of weeks to get my head together about starting at a new school. She’s taken aback that I’d want to leave, but she doesn’t question it. I know they have a waiting list of teenagers as long as her arm who would work here for free. I don’t tell Michael of my decision to leave. I don’t tell anyone. I plan to go quietly, without a fuss. I couldn’t bear to stand there and eat cake and say my goodbyes when the only person I’ve ever truly loved is leaving tomorrow.
    I’ve been trying to think of ways to see him again, even though I know there’s no point. Dave has convinced him to stay away from me, to