S Is for Silence

miles on that car? Where the fuck did you go?” He regretted the swear word the minute it was out of his mouth, but Violet didn’t seem to care. As he opened his office door, she passed in front of him and he could smell her cologne.
    His heart gave another double thump, this time warming his blood. He moved away from her. “Take a seat.”
    “Yes, sir.”
    He went around and sat down behind his desk, suddenly conscious of the power he wielded. She had to know she was in the wrong, that he could extract any price he named. Two hundred and fifty-seven miles on a brand-new car? He wondered if she’d set it up that way. Maybe she’d had her eye on him at the same time he’d had his eye on her. She stared at him with interest, apparently undismayed by his rage or the fact that he was ordering her around.
    She extracted a pack of cigarettes from her purse. Ever the gentleman, he took out his lighter and fanned the striker. She leaned across the desk, allowing him a glimpse of the swell of her breasts as she accepted his light. There was a bruise on her chin and he knew what that was about. She reclaimed her seat and crossed her legs. He glanced at Kathy, visible in the outer office beyond his glass-enclosed cube. She was watching the back of Violet’s head with her mother’s same spiteful stare, constructing new and better ways to feel superior. When Kathy caught him looking at her, she got up and walked to the water cooler. Fourteen, and she was already as rigid, nasty-minded, and prissy as her mom. She’d taken out a piece of pink notepaper and it sat squarely in the middle of her desk. He could see the heavy black writing on it even at that distance, an angry-looking scrawl that slanted across the page.
    He picked up a pencil and tapped on his desk while he rearranged his thoughts. He had no idea how he should play it, but he loved feeling in command. “So what are we going to do about this, Mrs. Sullivan?”
    Her smile was slow, smoke drifting from her lips as though she was smoldering at the core. “Well, Mr. Cramer, Sweetie, I can make a suggestion, but I’m not sure you want to talk about it here. Buy me a drink and I’m certain we can work something out.”
    Every syllable she spoke was weighted with promise. Her gaze was fixed on his mouth with a hunger he’d never seen in a woman and had certainly never experienced in himself. How could this be happening? She was his for the taking. He knew that as surely as he knew his name. Though he’d never admit it, he was a man of conventional inclinations. He was forty-seven years old, and in fifteen years of marriage, he’d never been unfaithful to his wife, not for lack of opportunity, but for lack—he saw now—of comprehension. After the first few months with Livia, the sex was workaday—pleasurable, and of course a blessed relief, but in no way compelling. Livia might not be wildly attractive, but whatever his ordinary irritations with her, she’d never denied his needs, and she’d never implied that she found sex onerous. While he wasn’t dissatisfied, he’d never understood what all the fuss was about.
    In one stroke that had changed.
    Here before him, Violet Sullivan, with her insolence and her boldness, had ignited him, sparking a desire so consuming he could barely breathe. He thought maybe this was what it meant to sell your soul to the devil, because he knew in that moment he’d be willing to rot in hell for her.

10
    Thursday morning, I went through my usual routine, waking at 6:00 to do my three-mile jog. I prefer to have exercise under my belt before I start my day. In the late afternoon, it’s too easy to think of reasons to sit around on my buns. The morning air had a faint chill to it, and the sky was layered with salmon and amber clouds, overlapping like ribbons sewn on the borders of a bright blue tablecloth. I used the brief walk to the beach as a way of warming up before I eased into a trot. Along the bike path, the palm trees were still, no breeze at all ruffling the fronds. A fifteen-foot expanse of ice plant stretched between the bike path and the beach. Beyond that the ocean tumbled and churned. A man had parked his car in the public lot and he was tossing bread-crumbs in the grass. Gulls were wheeling in from all directions, shrieking with delight. I picked up my pace, feeling my body warm and my muscles become loose. It wasn’t the best run I ever had, but it felt good nonetheless.
    Home again, I showered, threw on my