Sea Haven 02 - Spirit Bound

Judith again, all contained and frozen, but tonight, just for tonight, I want to believe I can live again.”
    Blythe frowned. “Frozen? Is that how you’ve felt? That you aren’t really living? Judith, I thought you were happy here with us.”
    “I am. I have been. It isn’t the same, Blythe. I worked so hard to contain my feelings. Do you really think someone is so perfectly pleasant at all times? I smile when deep inside I want to scream. I get frustrated and angry just like anyone else, but those emotions aren’t safe for me to feel around other people. So I push them down and smile until I’m perfect and pleasant and safe.”
    Judith leapt up and paced across her floor, unable to stay still. She wanted to. She felt a little crazy with her heady happiness and she knew Blythe was growing afraid for her. She couldn’t care about that right now. There was no tamping down strong emotions and any intense emotion would affect everyone around her. Living in such close proximity to those she loved was a good idea, until her body woke up, until she stopped feeling dead inside. She could contain anger and sorrow, but the sheer joy and trepidation, the way she felt so alive being with Thomas Vincent—that was impossible. Joy spilled out and, God help her, she needed to feel real emotion again, even if it was in the safety of her home and for one single night.
    She couldn’t stop smiling even with Blythe witnessing her out-of-control behavior.
    “Just tonight. Just for now. Inside my house where no one else can be affected, Blythe. I called you because you seem to absorb my feelings rather than react to them. I have to allow myself this one night of complete happiness.” There was a plea in her voice, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted to know she was wholly a woman and she had to share this incredible moment with someone she loved. “Please be happy for me.”
    It was amazing to feel fully alive again, a vibrant, desirable woman. Of course she wouldn’t do anything about it, but the sheer relief of knowing she could was as stimulating as the best champagne.
    Blythe moistened her lips. “It’s impossible not to be happy for you, Judith. I’ve never seen you like this. I just want you to make certain you know all the hidden dangers. You have to see him at the gallery. It’s not like you can totally avoid him.”
    Judith took a breath and made her confession in a rush. “I invited him here tomorrow. To ride the tractor with me and have lunch. I told him I’d show him around the farm.”
    She felt so guilty. Well guilt was there, but maybe not uppermost. She could close her eyes and hold the image of Tom— Thomas , he would always be a Thomas to her—looking as if he might blush and stammer any moment. He was so amazing. He looked tougher than nails and had a reputation as a brilliant businessman, yet with her he’d been almost shy.
    She had almost felt sorry for him until that moment when her eyes had met his and there was nothing at all shy about the way he was looking at her. He looked as if it was all he could do to keep from throwing her down on the counter as she’d been imagining. He looked capable of being rough and hot and so needy he could barely wait to get her clothes off.
    She knew she looked reserved and cool, but her needs had nothing to do with reservation or cool . Deep inside was a well of passion—of fire—and somehow, Thomas Vincent had managed to find it. She wanted to weep with joy—with fear. She destroyed people, those closest to her, her family, people she loved. And when she loved, she loved with every fiber of her being.
    “You did what?” Blythe asked, shock showing on her face. “ Invited him here?”
    Judith took a deep breath, pressing a hand to her churning stomach. Blythe wasn’t any more stunned at her behavior than she was. The farm was sacred—their sanctuary. All of them had secrets, and now, more than ever, they had to be careful.
    “What about Levi?” Blythe asked, her voice more gentle than accusing. “Have you considered that we need to protect him from outsiders? And Lexi? She’s very uncomfortable with strangers around.”
    “I don’t plan on taking him anywhere near their homes,” Judith defended. Where was the remorse and guilt she should be feeling? She hugged herself as she crossed to the window and looked down at the carpet of small white star flowers swaying gently in the breeze. Above her, the stars scattered across the sky, the two