Seriously... I'm Kidding

even longer by talking about how long it is. It almost feels like I’m making you wait and wait and wait and I’m never going to get to my point, and I assure you that’s not the case.
    But then again, maybe that’s the lesson here. Maybe we all need to slow down and stop running from one place to another all the time. Maybe whatever you’re about to do can wait. Sometimes waiting can be really good for you. As an example, it’s always a good idea to wait at least a half hour after you’ve eaten before you go swimming. Some people say that’s a myth, but I say better to be safe than sorry. I wait a half hour after eating before I go anywhere near water, and that includes swimming, bathing, showering, and panning for gold.
    Obviously, there are some times when waiting isn’t great. Waiting on hold on the phone can be annoying. Waiting for the results of an exam or on something like a pregnancy test can be very stressful, I would imagine. And what about how frustrating it is when you have to wait in line for the ladies’ room? What takes so long in there, you guys?!
    But at the same time, if you’re waiting for something good like a new movie to come out or for your family to leave town, there’s a feeling of anticipation that can be very exciting. There’s suspense and drama as adrenaline starts to rush through your body like a rocket or like the water that shoots down through those dirty waterslides at theme parks.
    Right now you’re probably wild with anticipation. “What is she gonna say? What’s her story? I can barely wait another second to hear something she’s never told anyone!”
    And by the way, thank you so much for waiting and reading this chapter all the way through. I have to say I would find it rude if you decided to skip ahead or put the book down after I explicitly stated that I was going to share something for the very first time that changed my life.
    It’s not like it’s the only thing I’m sharing in this book that I’ve never told anyone. There’s actually a lot in here that I’ve never shared before. I would say that nearly every single page has a new thought or a new idea or a new word that I’ve never before uttered. Here’s one right now. Quoth. I’ve never said that word before. I’ve never talked about it. This is the only place I will ever mention or discuss the word “quoth.”
    Here’s another thing: I’m allergic to penicillin. Bet you didn’t know that, did you? That’s because I’ve never told anyone that. Not even a doctor.
    Here’s another thing I’ve never talked about: I think it’s weird that all dance classes have to be taught in front of a huge glass window. It’s the only business that leaves nothing to the imagination. Why no curtains? Why do they want people walking by and staring at them? I have nothing against leotards, but that’s a lot of bits and pieces for my eyes to see when I’m just trying to get to the coffee shop next door.
    Anyway, those are all things that I’ve never shared with anyone ever before and as purchasers of this book I hope you feel special that you are the only ones to have this information. Those aren’t even part of what I set out to share with you in this chapter. Those are just bonus ideas.
    What I really wanted to tell you is what seriously changed my life forever. I’ve never been the same since I first laid eyes on it and it’s one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
    It’s the Swiffer.
    You know what? That’s it. I honestly thought it was going to take more time to explain how it changed my life, but I think you get it with that one word.
    I guess this chapter isn’t the longest chapter after all.

Tweet Chapter

    An observation in 140 characters.

How come when you wipe up dust it’s called dusting but when you wipe up a spill it’s not called spilling? There’s something to think about.

Deep Thinkers and Not So Deep Thinkers

    Y ou’re probably familiar with the famous sculpture of The Thinker . It’s a man sitting down with his head resting on his hand, and it was created by a French artist named Rodin in 1902. It represents a person deep in thought, contemplating the struggles and the heaviness of the world around him. I recently saw a replica of it in the garden department of Sears and it got me thinking.
    There are obviously all different sorts of people in this world. That’s what makes the world go ’round. Well, that and wind. But when I saw The Thinker , I started