Shame

a question to show that she was participating in the conversation. Maybe ask how long this woman had been in, but Monika didn’t dare. Maybe it wasn’t done.
    ‘Sixteen and a half years.’
    Monika gave a start.
    ‘But I only have eight months left now.’
    She only had a second to be shocked, then she unconsciously slowed her pace. Sixteen and a half years. Not many were given such a long sentence. Only those who had committed really despicable crimes, and apparently the woman she had gone off walking with was one of them. Monika cast a glance back towards the buildings and felt a stubborn desire to go back. She stifled the impulse and tried instead to think up a question of her own. She had to get along with people in here for another six months, after all. It would be crazy to make an enemy on the very first morning.
    ‘What are you going to do when you get out?’
    She had done her best to seem easy-going and took a step back in fright when the woman suddenly stopped and turned to her.
    ‘My name is Vanja, by the way.’
    She held out her hand.
    ‘It’s easy to forget common good manners in here.’
    Monika took off her mitten and shook her hand briefly.
    ‘Monika.’
    Vanja nodded and started walking again. Monika
    followed her reluctantly. A little farther up there was a group of people, and that made her feel a bit better.
    ‘What I’m going to do when I get out? I don’t really know. To start with I’m going to move in with a friend, an old childhood friend. She’s very ill but after this last operation she seems to be on the mend, thank goodness, but they don’t know for sure yet. If all goes well maybe we’ll take a trip together somewhere, she and I. We’ll have to see how things go.’
    Monika tried to grasp the time concept of seventeen years. An eternity if you considered that the sentence had to be served in a place like this. Much less serious matters could drive people insane. She knew that from her own experience.
    They had turned onto a path between some trees, and when they came out on the other side the open field sloped down towards the end of the world. Soon they would reach the limit of how far they could go. The area was fenced off by a double barrier with several metres between them, and rolls of barbed wire had been attached on top. So that anyone who might consider climbing over them would be ripped to shreds. It was in here that she was confined. Not trusted by society to go outside. Not even in the vicinity, because the safety zone was fifty metres. She cast a glance over her shoulder and made sure that there were still people within sight.
    Vanja stopped and shoved her hands in her jacket pockets.
    ‘It’s important to have someone waiting for you outside. It’s a little easier that way. I know, because I’ve tried it both ways.’
    Monika looked down at the snow. She had no one waiting out there. Maybe her mother, but she wasn’t sure. Her mother had called a few times but Monika had never answered. She didn’t know if her mother knew where she was now. And to be honest, it didn’t really matter.
    Vanja took a handkerchief out of her pocket and wiped her nose.
    ‘It’s pretty rough in here, so it’s not always easy to be the new girl. But it’s fairly calm in the section you’re in. Get hold of some cigarettes, you’ll need them.’
    Vanja raised her hand to shield her eyes from the sun and gazed out over the glittering fields that stretched beyond the fence. Monika stole a glance at her.
    ‘Check out how beautiful it is …’
    Monika followed her gaze out across the landscape and they stood in silence for a while.
    ‘To think that we’re so stupidly negligent with everything we have. That we don’t understand things better. You and I are actually prime examples of how little we comprehend, otherwise we wouldn’t be standing on this side of the fence.’
    Monika was inclined to agree, but she wasn’t ready to express it in words. Vanja made a little noise that sounded like a snort.
    ‘We think we’re the top of the line, that everything’s perfectly formed and done with just because we happen to exist at this moment. But the little space of time we’re alive on this earth is only a little fart in the universe in the grand scheme of things. I read that we aren’t even really completely developed enough to walk on two legs, that there are some suspension thingies inside that haven’t yet managed to adapt properly.’
    She made a circular motion