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Shame

Shame

Titel: Shame Kostenlos Bücher Online Lesen
Autoren: Karin Alvtegen
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of tea after another, and as the night wore on Maj-Britt listened to Vanja’s increasingly fantastic interpretations of the problem. She even managed to make Maj-Britt laugh a few times. But it was at the end of a long persuasive tirade that she suddenly said the words that truly startled Maj-Britt.
    ‘You have to dare to let go of the old if you want to make room for the new, don’t you think? Nothing can start to grow if there isn’t
    any room.’
    Vanja fell silent as if she herself were pondering what she had said.
    ‘Jesus, that was really good.’
    And she asked Göran for a pen and quickly jotted down her words on a piece of paper. She read them silently to herself and then let out a big laugh.
    ‘Ha! If I ever write that book I’m going to put those words in it.’
    Maj-Britt smiled. Vanja and her dreams of being a writer. With her whole heart Maj-Britt wished her all the luck in the world.
    Vanja looked at her watch.
    ‘Just because I came up with such a good point, I have now made up my mind and I take this decision at twenty minutes to four on the fifteenth of June, nineteen hundred and sixty-nine. I’m moving to Stockholm. Then we can move at the same time, Majsan, even if it’s not to the same city, and without me you certainly don’t want to stay here in this hole of a town, do you?’
    Both Göran and Maj-Britt laughed.
    And when dawn came her confidence had returned. She had chosen correctly and they weren’t going to be allowed to take this away from her. Her wonderful Vanja. Like a stone statue she was always there when Maj-Britt needed her. What would she have done if she hadn’t been there?
    Vanja.

    And Ellinor.
    Maj-Britt listened at the bathroom door. It was quiet in there. The pain in her back had subsided. Only a bearable ache remained. And an urgent need to go to the toilet.
    ‘I swear to God I don’t know that Vanja.’
    Maj-Britt snorted. Go ahead and swear. It doesn’t matter to me. And probably not to Him either.
    ‘They’re going to be calling for me soon, I was supposed to be with the next client more than half an hour ago.’
    It didn’t make any sense. She was never going to get the truth out of her. And soon she was going to wet herself. Maj-Britt sighed, turned round and opened the door. Ellinor was sitting on the toilet seat with the lid down.
    ‘Get out. I have to go to the toilet.’
    Ellinor looked up at her and slowly shook her head.
    ‘You’re crazy. What the hell are you up to?’
    ‘I have to pee, I said. Get out.’
    But Ellinor stayed where she was.
    ‘I’m not moving until you tell me why you think I know her.’
    Ellinor calmly leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest, sitting there comfortably with her legs crossed. Maj-Britt gritted her teeth. If only she didn’t feel such revulsion at the thought of touching her she would have slapped her. A hard slap across the face.
    ‘Then I’ll pee on the floor. And you know who gets to clean it up.’
    ‘Go ahead and do it.’
    Ellinor brushed something off her trouser leg. Soon Maj-Britt wouldn’t be able to hold it any longer, but never in her life would she humiliate herself like this, not in front of that loathsome little creature who always managed to get the upper hand. And she definitely couldn’t risk Ellinor discovering blood in her urine, then the little traitor would press the big alarm button. There was only one thing to do, no matter how much she hated the thought.
    ‘It was just something she wrote in a letter.’
    ‘In a letter? What did she write?’
    ‘It has nothing to do with you, can you move now?’
    Ellinor stayed where she was. Maj-Britt was getting more and more desperate. She felt a few drops ooze out.
    ‘I must have misunderstood and I apologise for locking you in here. Okay, will you go now?’
    Finally, Ellinor got up, took her bucket and with a sour look went out the door. Maj-Britt hurried to lock it and sat down on the toilet as fast as she could, feeling the relief as her bladder was finally allowed to release the pressure.
    She heard the front door close. Bye, Ellinor. We won’t be seeing each other again.
    Suddenly, utterly without warning, she felt a hard lump in her throat. No matter how she tried to swallow it, she couldn’t. Tears came too; quite without cause they welled up over her eyelids, and to her horror she felt that she couldn’t stop them. It was as if something were breaking inside her, and she hid her face in her hands.
    A sorrow too

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