Shame

mouth of this woman whose name was Maj-Britt as she silently accepted Monika’s explanation with a nod.
    Monika said goodbye to Ellinor out in the hall. She quickly scribbled a prescription for a painkiller and gave her some additional instructions. Maj-Britt came out of the bathroom with the urine sample, and Ellinor stared in horror at the red liquid in the plastic container. Monika avoided Ellinor’s troubled gaze. The blood in the urine and the nature and location of the pain certainly reinforced Monika’s suspicions, but they would have to wait until she tested the samples. It wasn’t worth scaring anyone before she was 100 per cent sure. She opened her bag and put the urine sample inside.
    ‘I’ll let you know as soon as I have the results of the test.’
    The woman had disappeared into the living room, but Ellinor took a step forward and extended her hand.
    ‘Thank you for taking the time to come.’
    * * *
    On her way back to the car she felt grateful to get out of that flat. She still wasn’t sure that her explanation had been satisfactory or had removed all risk. The information she lacked was how well Maj-Britt and Pernilla knew each other, but Ellinor had told her that Maj-Britt never left her flat. On the other hand, Ellinor had gone with Åse when she drove over to see Pernilla. What if Ellinor had told Maj-Britt how they came in contact with each other?
    She cast a quick glance up towards Pernilla’s empty kitchen window and hurried to her car. She couldn’t be seen here right now. Couldn’t risk that Pernilla would open her window and shout to her.
    She had just set her bag in the back seat, and in only a couple more minutes she would have made it. But fate would have it otherwise, of course. Just as she was about to climb into the driver’s seat they appeared on the path from the park, and spotted her.
    ‘Hi, what a surprise to see you here.’
    Monika glanced over at Maj-Britt’s balcony. The sun was reflecting off her windows and she couldn’t rule out that someone might be standing inside. Watching.
    Pernilla had reached her now and set the brake on the pram.
    ‘We’ve just been out for a little walk.’
    Monika nodded and sat down in the driver’s seat.
    ‘I’m in a bit of a rush. I was just making a house call and have to get back to the clinic.’
    ‘Oh really, who’s the patient?’
    Suddenly Monika realised that now she could get her answer, and it was better to have her worry confirmed than to continue floating in uncertainty.
    ‘Her name is Maj-Britt. Do you know her?’
    Pernilla looked thoughtful and slowly shook her head.
    ‘Does she live in our building?’
    ‘No, across the courtyard.’
    ‘I don’t know anyone there.’
    Monika’s body relaxed. It had all been her imagination. Her nervousness was making her hypersensitive; she had let the woman’s comment take on more importance than necessary.
    She put the key in the ignition.
    ‘By the way, I talked to the people at the programme today. They will be depositing the money in your account sometime today. I gave them the account number you use to pay your bills.’
    Pernilla smiled.
    ‘I hope you know how grateful I am for this.’
    Monika nodded.
    ‘I’ve got to run, sorry. I’m already late.’
    ‘Would you like to come over for dinner tonight? My way of thanking you for all your help.’
    To her surprise Monika realised that she was hesitating. How she had waited for this moment. For Pernilla of her own free will to grant her an audience without her having to beg for it. But she was so tired. So exhausted by continually being on her guard and maintaining appearances. She was thinking of taking her sleeping pills early and escaping the evening and the night. But she couldn’t say no. She didn’t have the right.
    ‘Of course. What time do you want me to come?’
    ‘What time is good for you?’
    She was supposed to finish working at five. She mustn’t forget that Pernilla thought she had gone back to work. There was so much to keep straight.
    ‘I get off at five.’
    ‘Shall we say six, then?’

    After a last look at Maj-Britt’s window she drove back in towards the city. She was already late. Her mother had been waiting a quarter of an hour for her, and Monika knew that she would be sitting with her coat on in the hall, growing more and more impatient with each minute that passed. But first she had to drop by the bank. And the head of the clinic had rung four times and left messages that she