Shatner Rules

You’re Going to Keep Working in Flashbacks in Your Latest Writing Project, Come up with a Catchy Flashback Branding Device
    WILLIAMFLASHBACKNER
    “The Twittah?” I asked. “What’s that?”
    “You know, ‘Twittah.’ Everyone’s awn it. A-ha-ha-ha-ha-hawh!”
    I should perhaps explain that the person I was talking to was the lovely Fran Drescher, and in her Queens accent she was trying to “hip” me to the latest technological craze. I have only one of my original hips left, so I look for any help I can in that area.
    She was a big fan of this “Twittah,” said it was a good way to reach out to fans, and asked if I was on it.
    I looked around the set of
Raw Nerve
to the handful of people on Team Shatner and asked, “Am I on the Twittah?”
    I was not, but soon I was, and before long, @WilliamShatner on Twitter had more than six hundred thousand followers. And I owe it all to . . . well, Paul Camuso.
    To many, I will always be the quintessential twenty-third-century man, but when it comes to technology—in many respects—I am hopelessly mired in the twentieth century. The first part of the twentieth century. The part without all the buttons and Delete keys.
    Don’t get me wrong, I
understand
technology, but often I can’t
do
technology. I get the mechanics, but I’m not that mechanical. I mean, I understand how to change a tire, but I usually call AAA when a tire needs to be changed.
    Of course, I’m not a
total
Luddite. After all I’m writing this book on a computer and
    [SEGMENT OF MEMOIR MISSING]

RULE: Hit “Save” Every Few Minutes, or You Will Lose Giant Portions of Your
Shatner Rules
Manuscript
    Fine—I’m a Luddite. I know how to turn on a computer, but the turning off part leaves me flummoxed. And I cannot leave something on when I leave a room. My father was always running around, turning off lights, and so do I. But turning off a computer is more than a money-saving act; it is a rebellion against society. You are turning your back on a conduit to modern communication; you are ignoring the drumbeat of today’s society! You don’t just unplug; you disconnect. Turning
off
a computer is turning
on
rebellion!

    FUN FACTNER: When William Shatner gets going about technology, he sometimes has trouble sticking to Twitter’s 140-character limit.
    I’ve been keeping it a secret for years, especially from the good people in advertising who employ me on occasion. In fact, if you visit YouTube (hopefully someone will show me how to do that soon), you can see me singing the praises of the Commodore VIC-20, “the wonder computer of the eighties,” promising “great games” and opportunities for “the whole family to learn computing.” All for the bargain price of “under three hundred dollars.” (You can get one of these VIC-20s on eBay for about ninety bucks now. Apparently, the wonders of this wonder computer ceased pretty quickly.)
    In 1976, Bell Labs hired me to host a short industrial film called
Microworld
, in which I explained the wonders of the microprocessor—“the brain of the modern electronic system”—the silicon chip, solid-state technology! Again, this film—and my giant, broad jacket lapels—can be viewed on YouTube, a by-product of such technology.
    Fortunately, I have the help that I need. One of my assistants was good enough to set up my Twitter account for me, and on June 24, 2008, I tweeted, “Learning about this fascinating site.” Okay, it’s no “Watson, come quick, I need you,” but it was a very important first foray for me in this very important communication medium. This is a great way for me to interact with fans, and much more enjoyable than dropping the f-bomb when someone gives me a “Beam me up, Scotty.”
    Since that humble tweetinning, I have used Twitter to keep fans abreast of my talk show appearances and charity work, and link them up to my other social networking forays at William Shatner.com and on Facebook (which eventually got undeleted; more on that later). And all my tweets end with “My best, Bill.”
    Or at least that’s how I wanted all of them to end. I sometimes shout my tweets to my assistant, Kathleen, who occasionally shouts back, “Too long!” The courtesy of “my best, Bill” was rudely taking up too much space, so it was shortened to my current sign-off of MBB.

    FUN FACTNER: William Shatner sometimes uses a voice-activated recorder to transcribe his tweets. Unfortunately, most voice-activation systems shut off