Shatner Rules

Would you do it if there were a chance that some clown could take it and put it on a T-shirt and then toss it up on eBay? No way. I mean, you can buy my kidney stones, but no one may steal my identity.
    It seemed as though I was never going to get back on the Facebook. But then, sage Paul, from his den of tubes, wires, and little motors that go
whhhrrrrrr
, reminded me that there was still Twitter. We decided to use social media to fix social media! I grabbed my voice-activated whatchamacallit, and tweeted: “Facebook disabled my acct. this weekend as an imposter acct. Now they want me to prove that it’s me. Don’t they know who I am? MBB.”
    That is all it took.
    Within thirty minutes, my good, virtual name had been restored. I once more had an account on the Facebook! Again, I could take part in the community that has revolutionized the way we communicate with one another. William Shatner would not be denied.
    Although frankly, I wish Adrian Zmed would knock it off with all the poking. I mean, I know I started it, but it has to end somewhere, Adrian!

WILLIAM SHATNER ANSWERS YOUR FACEBOOK QUESTIONS
    In addition to my on-again, off-again Facebook profile, I also have an official fan page on the site where people sometimes post questions to my wall. I would like to take this opportunity to answer some of those questions. These are all
real
questions.
    Brenna Casper
    Do u know where Leonard went??? He hasn’t been on Facebook for a long time!! :)
    I don’t know. But you’re using the wrong emoticon for discussing a Vulcan. The correct one is :| . Remember—no smiling! (But, like most people, Leonard probably has ditched Facebook and spends all his time on Twitter.)
    Joan Arnet
    When do you come to Switzerland? :-)
    When I get the e-mail alert PRICELINE DEALS—DON’T SWISS OUT ON SAVINGS!
    James Lopez
    Hi Mr. Shatner,
    You were in Pittsburgh, PA in the 1970s and stayed with my dad’s brother and his wife. They are Joe and Betty Lopez and had a large pool and a horse. My dad John and mom Kathy were there also. Just wondered if you recall that stay back then.
    Okay, buddy, I know what you’re getting at. I’ll return the bath towels! I accidentally packed them. Also, sorry about the wet horse. You shouldn’t keep those things so close to the pool.
    Michael Deforest
    In Australia, does the water
really
flush down the other way, Bill?
    I don’t know. I never flush. That’s what my spotter is for (see my ad on Craigslist).
    Fredrick Aman
    Happy birthday, Bill! You’re the greatest Canadian actor ever! ; )
    Okay, that’s not a question. But I felt it should be shared.
    Allison Byrne
    Hey, Bill! We still on for dinner next week?
    Let me know if you’re buying.
    Adam Lars
    Happy birthday, you old condom-stretcher.
    I told you, I’ve only ever gotten money for performing. That is obviously a skilled trade.
    Wendy McDonald
    Bill— I fell in love with you when I was 9 years old. I will be 55 this year. How’s that for fandom!!!
    Your fandom is beyond reproach, but I do find some fault with your depressing mathematical calculations.
    Nila Martinez
    SUP KIRK? NICE TO HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GROW UP WITH YOU BRAH YOU DA BOMB..ALOHA..
    I am fluent in French and English. Neither is helping me here.
    Sarah Goldfarb
    I’m so glad you are Jewish!!!!! Want to come to my house for Passover?
    Certainly. But only if I get to ask
all
four questions. I only travel if it’s a starring role.

CHAPTER 17
RULE: Remember Where You Came from . . . Eh?
    E very celebrity bio needs a bombshell. Be it addiction, abuse, shocking sexual conquest. I promised the publisher of
Shatner Rules
a big one. So here it is. Get ready. I am about to drop the bombshell . . .
    I am a Canadian.

    FUN FACTNER: Actor William Shatner is Canadian!
    I’ll let that sink in. And for my American readers, I’ll let you all take a break from reading this book so that you can go Google “Canadian” and figure out what one is. Here’s a hint: We are the people who live up north who aren’t Alaskan and who aren’t Santa.
    In fact, I’m so Canadian that I’m not even an American. Seriously. I can’t vote here. I can’t vote in Canada either, which is why politicians on both sides of the border never worry about the Shatner vote. Although I have a green card, which means some American politicians would work very hard to try to deport me. I kept this a secret from Sarah Palin when I met her on
The Tonight Show with Conan
O’Brien
.
    To stay in this