Smokin' Seventeen: A Stephanie Plum Novel (Stephanie Plum Novels)

Lou?”
    “Mrs. Lou would be the last to know anything,” Morelli said. “She’s been in a self-induced Xanax coma for years.”
    “Have you tried talking to her?”
    “Yeah. It was painful. And unproductive.”
    I realized Morelli was staring at my forehead.
    “It’s a pimple,” I told him.
    Morelli grinned. “I hadn’t noticed, but now that you mention it.”
    “Liar.”
    “Fortunately for you I know the perfect cure for a pimple of that magnitude. Sweaty gorilla sex. Lots of it.”
    “I got this from your crazy grandmother. She gave me the eye, and she said I was going to get boils!”
    “Cupcake, there’s no such thing as the eye. And that’s not a boil. It’s a monster pimple. It’s that time of the month, right?”
    “Wrong!”
    “Good to know,” Morelli said, slinging an arm around my shoulders, hugging me into him. “I have plans.”
    “Where are we going to eat tonight?”
    “It’s a surprise.”
    “Pino’s?” I asked him.
    “No.”
    “Campiello’s?”
    “No.”
    “Sal’s Steak House?”
    “No.”
    Morelli wasn’t a surprise kind of guy. Maybe about doggy-style sex but that was it. So I was getting a weird feeling.
    “Where are we eating tonight?” I asked him again.
    Morelli blew out a sigh. “At my mom’s house. It’s my Uncle Rocco’s birthday.”
    “No, no, no, no.”
    “Oh man, I’m begging,” Morelli said. “I hate these parties. I’ll make a deal. You go with me, and I’ll give you a back rub.”
    “No way. Your grandmother will be there, and she’ll put another curse on me.”
    “Okay, a back rub and I’ll buy you a birthday cake.”
    “No!”
    Morelli looked down at me. Serious. “What’ll it take?”
    “I’ll hook up with you after dinner. That’s the best I can offer.”
    “Better than nothing,” he said. “Can I still give you a back rub?”
    “Yes. Do I get the birthday cake?”
    “No.” He looked over at the bonds bus. “Are you going in there?”
    “Yes. I was going to take off for home, but I think I’ll touch base with Connie before I leave.”
    “Try not to inhale the fumes coming off the upholstery and don’t eat anything he’s baking.” He pulled me close, kissed me, and whispered a couple innovations he was going to add to the back rub.
    • • •
     
    Connie was at her computer, Lula was sitting in a club chair, and Mooner was on the couch, working his way through an app on his cell phone when I swung into the bus.
    “I can’t help thinking there was some significance to Lou Dugan getting buried on the bonds office property,” I said to Connie.
    “I’ve wondered about that,” Connie said. “But I can’t think of a connection.”
    “What about Vinnie? Did Vinnie have something going on with Dugan?”
    “Vinnie was a regular at the titty bar before Lucille hooked him up to a leash and a choke collar, but I never got the feeling Vinnie and Dugan were friends or business partners.”
    “Harry?”
    “Don’t know about Harry,” Connie said. “He’s mostly a silent partner here. He puts the money up, so his son-in-law can be gainfully employed, but he doesn’t take much interest in the business.”
    “Maybe Vinnie ran up a tab at the titty bar, and he didn’t want to pay it, so he offed Lou Dugan, and buried him in his backyard,” Lula said.
    “It would work for me,” Connie said, “except I can’t see Vinnie digging a hole big enough to plant Dugan. Not a lot of muscle going on in that weaselly body. And Vinnie wouldn’t have left the ring on Dugan’s finger.”
    “Maybe the killers were aliens, and they were following instructions from the mother ship,” Mooner said. “Like maybe they needed to do an anal probe. And you know, like, the ring might not have any value in another solar system.”
    We all stared openmouthed at Mooner for a moment.
    “You gotta cut back on the brownies,” Lula said to Mooner.
    Connie made a small grimace and dragged her attention from Mooner to me. “How’d it go with Merlin Brown?”
    “We found him but then we lost him,” I said. “No problem. I have a lead. I just need to make a couple phone calls.”
    There are two hospitals in Trenton, Helene Fuld and St. Frances. I was guessing Merlin drove himself to one of the hospitals to get his foot patched up. If that was the case he was probably either still waiting, depending on how much he was bleeding, or else he was with a doctor. I called Helene Fuld first and asked for Merlin. They didn’t have anyone