Soul Beach

Doesn’t get me anywhere, but hey, it passes the time . . .’ He nods at a group of beach boys, asleep next to their boards. ‘And it sure beats the alternatives. Surfing’s for dummies.’
    ‘Right.’ I thought he was the only one of Meggie’s friends I wanted to meet again, but now he’s here, he makes me feel unsettled. There’s something too restless about him, or maybe too raw.
    Is it possible to feel unsettled in a good way?
    ‘I think Megan is . . . um. Having a lie down. With a good friend. I can go and find her if you like?’
    ‘Yes, I’m sure she’d like to know that—’ and then I realise what he means by a lie down . ‘Oh. No. No, that’s fine. I can log off and try later.’
    His smile is still broad, but now his eyes are more guarded. ‘You don’t have to leave right now. It’s cool to chat to Visitors.’ He leans in a little closer. ‘After a while here, Guests get kinda one track. Half of them want to talk about books I’ve never read or movies I’ve never seen or singers I’ve never heard of, and the other half want to screw. I mean, I don’t say that to boast. Seriously. I say it to prove how desperate folks get around here.’
    Danny’s deadpan delivery makes me laugh out loud. He smiles again and my sadness is gone, just for a moment.
    ‘So, you’ll wait with me?’
    I nod. Maybe he’s not so difficult to be around after all.
    ‘Fancy a tour?’
    ‘Sure,’ I say, glad of the breeze. I know it’s virtual, and yet . . .
    I follow him, past the groups of tanned bodies, as beautifully draped across the sand as bronzes in a museum.
    ‘Those are the musicians,’ he says, pointing to two clusters of people. ‘Choir on the left, the ones with neater hair. Rock on the right. Every day they try to muss up their bangs and they wake up all shiny and tangle-free. Both are good, though. Sometimes they sing at the same time, like a weird competition. That’s not so good.
    ‘Over there is the beach bar, but I guess you know all about that.’
    I stare at him. ‘How did you know?’
    ‘It’s where all the Visitors go first. Kinda like an induction. I do my research.’ And he taps the side of his nose.
    ‘What else do you know?’
    He sighs. ‘More than I want to, Alice, that’s for sure. Some questions I wish I’d never tried to answer.’
    I open my mouth to ask what those might be, but he puts his finger to his lips and shakes his head.
    ‘Let’s go by the jetty,’ he says.
    ‘If there’s a jetty, does that mean there are boats?’
    His eyes cloud and for a moment he seems . . . empty, as though there’s nothing there, no sight, no knowledge, just a blank. Then I blink and he’s smiling. ‘Do you see a schedule?’ And he laughs.
    There’s no one else by the jetty.
    ‘Too hot for most people today,’ he says, and I know it’s because I have a vivid imagination, but when we stop, sweat is trickling down the back of my neck.
    He sits at the very end, looking out to sea, and I join him. The sound of the waves becomes louder, and when he dips his feet in the water, I hear splashing. His feet are pale and bloodless in the sea.
    I wonder how Danny died.
    ‘It won’t always be this hard for your sister,’ he says. ‘I arrived nine months before she did and it’s tough at first, adjusting to your new . . . status .’
    ‘What’s the biggest shock?’ I ask. ‘I’d like to understand.’
    ‘Ah, you’re sweet.’
    ‘Don’t patronise me.’
    ‘I wouldn’t dare. But if I’m honest – and maybe this is jealousy because no one’s shown up for me – I don’t know if it’s a good thing, letting family visit. No offence.’
    ‘None taken. Why?’
    ‘Because there’s nothing you can do to help her. Plus you’ll never understand, unless it happens to you, which is the last thing Megan would want.’
    ‘I can try to understand.’
    ‘Sure,’ his voice softens. ‘But trust me, you won’t. Here is forever , right. No exit. I don’t know if you ever come to terms with it. I haven’t.’ And he kicks the water so forcefully that it splashes in my face. It’s cool and refreshing.
    I brush the seawater away. Even though, of course, it doesn’t exist.
    ‘Is there really no way out? No one ever leaves?’
    He shrugs. ‘Not while I’ve been here. There are rumours.’ He laughs, but it’s a bitter laugh. ‘Look around you, Alice, this is like a giant open-air university dorm. Of course there are rumours . It’s like a hobby for some people.