Summer Fever

better.
    Did I just say love? This called for desperate measures.
    I didn’t feel up to driving, but I took the canoe and paddled over to the Fishnbait store on the harbor. That’s where the pond opened up to the big lake, so there were a lot of people and boats there, getting stocked up. It did me good to be around more people. I’d only seen Russ since I came up here and now I felt anonymous again. No one could tell if I was gay or lonely or unhappy just by looking at me and that’s how I wanted it. It felt familiar, like being back in the city although on a much smaller scale.
    I went into the grocery side of the store. I only meant to pick up a few munchies and some fresh vegetables, depending on what they had, but I kept having to restrain myself from wandering to the condom display.
    Then I saw marshmallows and had to tell myself to forget about toasting them with Russ over a cozy little campfire. I didn’t get more beer, because I knew he liked it.
    I stuck to corn on the cob and a loaf of bread, marching to the register with my basket.
    “Aren’t you J.D., the Andrews’ middle boy?” I smiled at the lady behind the cash register. There went my anonymity, but I kind of liked Miss Agnes; she’d been working in that store ever since we first started coming to the lake. For all I knew, maybe she owned it. “Hi, Miss Agnes. Yes, it’s me. How’re you?”
    “I’m quite well, thank you for asking. Give your mother my best and tell her she raised her kids to be polite.” She started to ring me up and her 51

    Summer Fever | Catt Ford

    eyes twinkled as she said, “So you’re Russ’s boyfriend. He’s such a nice boy, and I’m so glad he’s finally found someone to go steady with.” I wanted to saw a hole in the wood floor and drop through. No less than four people turned around and blatantly stared at me. Two teenage girls giggled and whispered in a corner.
    “No, you must be mistaken. I don’t have a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend.” Miss Agnes frowned slightly, and the air got a little chillier. Or was it just me? “I see. Well, I wouldn’t expect you would have a girlfriend, and you don’t have much chance at keeping a boyfriend with that rather unattractive chip on your shoulder.”
    “What’s that supposed to mean?”
    “I watched you grow up, J.D. I could tell you were, well,” she lowered her voice, showing some discretion for the first time. “One of those boys .
    But you were a sweet little boy back then.”
    “Yeah, well maybe I’ve got more mileage under my hood now,” I said, nettled not only at this exposition of my character, but at the thought that everyone up here at Star Pond had been watching me and taking bets on my sexual orientation.
    “Well, perhaps Russ is better off without a boyfriend like you,” Miss Agnes said primly. “I only hope you don’t break his heart.”
    “What about mine?” I muttered, digging for my wallet. “How much?” She told me and I handed over a five. I didn’t wait for the change, I just grabbed my bag and walked out. Maybe it was my imagination, but now I thought that everyone I passed was staring at me.
    As soon as I was in the canoe and had it untied, I shoved off from the dock and paddled like hell until I was hot and sweaty.
    52

    Summer Fever | Catt Ford

    I was furious with myself for being churlish with Miss Agnes, furious with her for calling me out on my business, and most of all, furious with Russ. How dare he talk about us to people in town? Not that there was an us , and I would put him right about that pretty damn quick.
    I was willing to forego fucking him again if that’s what it took to end this. I should have gone to Bermuda or South Beach; I could have had one endless gay buffet there, a different guy every night and no strings.
    It was hard to remember just what impulse had made me decide to come to the lake after fifteen years. And that in itself was a scary thought.
    I stomped up to the house with my groceries, adrenaline still fueling my energy, and put the items away neatly. I wasn’t hungry any more.
    In fact, when I came to think about it, everything that happened between us happened on his terms. Russ just showed up whenever he wanted and assumed he’d get his ashes hauled. It was time for me to call the shots for a change.
    Grimly I stomped back down to the dock and sat there waiting. And waiting.
    He didn’t show up that evening. Or call.
    Just as well. I didn’t want to see him anyway.

    WHEN he