Sweet Revenge: 200 Delicious Ways to Get Your Own Back

to order a pizza to be delivered to an address without the recipient ever knowing who was responsible. A very respectable American lady tells of how strangely ungracious her ex-boyfriend was to receive and have to pay for a huge pizza (with extra peppers and anchovies) at 2 a.m. when he was in the throes of passion with his new girlfriend.
     

     
    According to Dee Knight, her husband John was unbelievably mean with the housekeeping and wouldn't even give her money for food. Dee sold her jewellery to buy food for them and her daughter but even then John complained about the cooking. When he walked out after thirteen months of marriage Dee took her revenge before she moved to her new flat.
    First stop was the local cash and carry where she spent £300. Then to the local fish shops followed by visits to all the shops that sold paddling pools in St Brelade, Jersey. Then she returned to the marital home and prepared a three-course meal that her soon-to-be ex-husband would not forget.
    She blew up the fifteen pools and placed them around the house. In the spare room she filled one with three

    hundred cans of chicken soup. Another in the couple's bedroom she filled with twenty-four rotting prawns and fifty stinking fish heads. On the landing another contained festering fish guts topped up with tinned tomatoes. She filled up two pools in the sitting room with 180 pounds of mashed potato and a further four she filled with gravy. Other pools contained two dozen apples, with a gallon of custard and another contained 1,322 stewing tea-bags.
    It took Dee a week to prepare and the one thing she was unhappy with was the custard: 'Because it has lumps in it, but I just hope one goes down the wrong way.' Dee added, 'By the time he finds the mess the stench will be unbearable. The beauty of using paddling pools is that once they are full they are impossible to move without everything slopping out, and if they start to deflate there will be an even bigger mess!'
     

     
    An aristocratic landowner was tired of providing endless hospitality every weekend for the same bunch of ungrateful 'friends' and decided it was time to get his own back. He telephoned them all and asked them to come and stay, and received a chorus of 'Oh rather!' and 'Goody!' They all showed up on the Friday night.
    After dinner on the Saturday night: a delicious repast with plenty of champagne and fine claret, their host proposed that they play a game. 'Splendid!', 'Absolutely marvellous, good show!' brayed the assembled company. Their host informed them that he had bought a number of goodies from Asprey and there would be prizes for everyone: it was a sort of a treasure hunt and, just to make it a little different and more exciting, why didn't they all have their ankles shackled together so that everyone could find the prize at the same time? What a riot, they all agreed and they were duly shackled by the butler.
    What they had not been told was that the cook had prepared two quite separate meals, one for the host and another for the guests - the latter having been liberally laced with laxative. Our host had the most entertaining evening as the stricken guests alternately had to dive into bushes, pulling with them the rest of the guests to witness their discomfort.
     

     
    Every time she discovered that her husband had been cheating on her, a woman made him a curry - with tinned dog meat. 'He hadn't a clue and I still chuckle when I think of him tucking in. I would tell him he was my PAL, or a real CHUM, as he chomped on the doggy dinner.'
     

     
    Eminent violinist and musician Jack Rothstein, who is a great wit and raconteur, tells of the musicians in Billy Cotton's band who used to tour the country. To save on costs they would stay in bed-and-breakfast accommodation for around £3.10s a week, which included a light meal in the evening after the show.
    They were staying near Liverpool and two of them who were sharing a room decided that a bottle of sherry would brighten up the landlady's standard offering of corned beef salad, trifle and tea, so they duly bought a bottle and had a couple of drinks each. The following evening, they took out their bottle and thought that the level seemed to have dropped - so they put a marker on it to see if someone else was drinking it. Sure enough, the next evening the level was well below their mark.
    They decided to put a stop to this by finishing the bottle and replacing the contents with their own pee. The next night,