Sweet Revenge: 200 Delicious Ways to Get Your Own Back

with Mike's ardent fan.
     

     
    A well-known re-insurance broker, tired of his girlfriend's infidelity, had call-cards made up bearing her telephone number and a voluptuous description of her. Then he put them in twenty telephone boxes in and around Soho.
     

     
    Derek Nimmo was invited to host a 24-hour charity telethon in Auckland, New Zealand. Having flown there at his own expense, he was particularly dismayed to be greeted at his hotel by a somewhat hostile Barry Christiansen, Collector of Taxes, who, in a most uncharitable manner, was demanding an outstanding payment dating back over five years. Feeling extremely jet-lagged and more than a little nervous about the forthcoming marathon programme, he asked if Mr Christiansen would s mind contacting him the following day. This was not to be. Mr Christiansen dogged him at every turn, eventually popping up at the TV studio.

    Enough was enough - Derek Nimmo, before going on air, looked up Barry Christiansen's name in the telephone directory and, as the many pledges were coming in, announced that a most charming man by the name of Barry Christiansen at the following telephone number had promised that, for every person who telephoned him within the next six hours, he would donate $20 to the cause.
     

     
    When she found out her boyfriend was being unfaithful, a certain lady let herself into his flat one Friday and dialled the speaking clock... in New York. One can only imagine his face when he returned on the Sunday, found the telephone off the hook, picked it up and worked out why the time and the accent were wrong.
     

     
    Morocco is a country where the wealthiest families live in stunning, interior-designed homes, think nothing of nipping to Paris for a little gentle shopping, and the women are sweet to each other - until their backs are turned.
    One of these beautifully-groomed ladies needed to get her own back on another. She telephoned her, putting on her best Italian accent and said that she was from Italian Vogue and wanted to send a photographer and writer to do a feature on her house, garden and friends. Would she please have a ladies' lunch party which would be photographed for the feature? The date was agreed.
    Anticipation of the event was feverish: ten women working out what to wear, how to have their hair done, when to arrive... and the hostess went wild, having the house spring cleaned, ordering imported fresh flowers and the finest foods: the best of everything that money could buy.
    The great day came, the women assembled in a cloud of perfume and designer clothes. The hostess became a little uneasy as time marched on and the Vogue team had not shown up, but she was greatly reassured when the telephone rang and the Italian voice assured them that the team was on its way but do start lunch.
    History doesn't relate when the penny finally dropped nor the humiliation suffered by the hostess.
     

     
    Many years ago in a lovely house overlooking the Hamble River, a man became aware that his pretty wife was, once again, involved in a long and lovey-dovey telephone conversation with her lover. Time to act, he thought as he grabbed his car keys.
    He knew that his adversary would be in the telephone box on the village green so he drove slowly to the box and reversed up against the door so that it could not be opened. With that he got out, locked the car and disappeared for the day.
     

     
    Corinna Liddell was amongst a party of beautiful people at Tramp. She was with her boyfriend but this did not stop another member of the party from flirting with her all the time and, whenever her boyfriend went off to the loo or to dance with someone, he would home in on her and pester her for her telephone number. Gilbert badgered her over and over and just would not give up so, finally, she leaned towards him, rested her chin on her hand, looked into his eyes and oh, so sweetly recited a telephone number.
    It made her laugh every time she imagined him trying to call her. She had given him the telephone number of an extremely graphic recorded message outlining the causes, symptoms and medical procedures for venereal diseases.
     

Culinary Capers
     

     
    'Revenge - a dish that should be eaten cold.'
    King Victor Emmanuel II of Italy, 1787
     

Culinary Capers
     
    Nowadays, if you order a pizza from a pizzeria which delivers, they insist on taking your telephone number and, usually, call you back to confirm. However, before they got wise to it, it was possible