Tales of the City 08 - Mary Ann in Autumn

just nodded.
    “I even thought the three of us could be a family.”
    “Norman—”
    “No, listen.” He was shaking the gun again. “I know I did some bad things. I know that, believe me. I shouldn’t have put us in those magazines. I shouldn’t have made money off our love. That was the wrong thing to do.”
    She was starting to feel a familiar sourness in the back of her mouth. She wondered if he would kill her if she vomited on him.
    “I felt really bad about it for a long time. What you said was right. I realized that once I found the Lord in Bismarck. I asked for His forgiveness.”
    “Well, you see? We’re all capable of redemption. That’s wonderful, Norman.”
    I’m sorry, Lexy, I’m so sorry. I thought you were safe from him.
    “Here’s the best part, Mary Ann: The Lord brought me a miracle. He gave me a chance to make it all up to Lexy.”
    “Really?” Really?
    “I met her again when she was all grown up. Completely by accident. She was working in a shoe store, and she didn’t recognize me. That was the miracle: I was able to be somebody else.”
    “Well,” she said, struggling for some sort of common ground. “We all need a chance to start over.”
    “See! That’s all I wanted to do. Just to be kind to her like a father, give her the love and financial support she deserved. The Lord made that possible for me!”
    Mary Ann was thinking maybe college tuition.
    “So I married her,” said Norman.
    “What?”
    “I married her. I took responsibility for my actions. I did the right thing. I’m not like you, Mary Ann. I don’t throw people away like they’re nothing .”
    She had her hand on her mouth now.
    “She was happy with me, too. We both were until …” He cut off the thought.
    She knew she shouldn’t ask, but she did. “Until what?”
    “Until she remembered me. We were making love one night and … Lexy remembered me.”
    She took her hand off her mouth and just let it fly. She retched the way she’d expected to retch when DeDe brought that Boeuf Bourguignon to the hospital. When she finally straightened up, Norman was still sitting there with the gun, observing her with weary contempt. “Just because you don’t understand something, Mary Ann …”
    She sprang to her feet “No, I don’t, Norman. I don’t understand.”
    “Where are you going?” He was pointing the gun directly at her, but her anger had somehow eradicated her fear.
    “I need to wash my fucking face.”
    “Sit down,” he told her.
    “The sink is right there, Norman. There’s no way I can get out.”
    “Sit the fuck down!”
    She obeyed him.
    “Who are you cleaning up for, anyway?”
    Good question, she thought. The coroner? Still, she seized a corner of the sheet and wiped her mouth with it. “Where is she now?”
    “What?”
    “Where is Lexy, Norman? What happened to her?”
    Another contorted smile. “Thought you’d never ask.” He lunged in her direction, making her flinch, until she realized he was reaching for that white plastic shopping bag. He pulled it closer and removed a pressed cardboard container about the size of a small jewelry box. He opened it to reveal a plastic bag full of something gray and granular.
    “What are you doing?” she asked.
    It’s something chemical , she was thinking. Lye maybe. He’s going to blind me or poison me … or disfigure me.
    “Norman, please don’t—”
    “SHUT UP! This isn’t about you! This is my moment.”
    Still holding the gun, he used his free hand to yank the plastic bag out of the box and dump its contents onto the bedspread. Then, with priestly deliberation, he began to sprinkle the gritty gray substance over his body — his arms and legs, his chest, even his face, where it caught in the creases, forming a ghastly lunar landscape.
    “How about that, Miss Fancypants?” He was mugging at her like a schoolboy. “How does she look on me?”
    “What do you mean?” She was almost sure she knew what he meant; she just couldn’t face it. Please don’t let it be that. Please don’t.
    “You thought it wasn’t real love. But it was. It lasted all this time, and now it will last for an eternity. Lexy and Norman, together forever.”
    “Norman, I would never judge—”
    “Oh, but you have. That’s why I wanted you here to witness this. That’s why you can’t run away this time.”
    “Okay,” she said feebly. “Just put the gun down.”
    He frowned in confusion. “What’s the point of that?”
    “So … I can