The Collected Stories

study house. She lay there thinking outlandish thoughts that brought her close to madness. She fell asleep, then awoke with a start. In her dream she had been at the same time a man and a woman, wearing both a woman’s bodice and a man’s fringed garment. Yentl’s period was late and she was suddenly afraid … who knew? In
Medrash Talpioth
she had read of a woman who had conceived merely through desiring a man. Only now did Yentl grasp the meaning of the Torah’s prohibition against wearing the clothes of the other sex. By doing so one deceived not only others but also oneself. Even the soul was perplexed, finding itself incarnate in a strange body.
    At night Anshel lay awake; by day she could scarcely keep her eyes open. At the houses where she had her meals, the women complained that the youth left everything on his plate. The rabbi noticed that Anshel no longer paid attention to the lectures but stared out the window lost in private thoughts. When Tuesday came, Anshel appeared at the Vishkower house for dinner. Hadass set a bowl of soup before her and waited, but Anshel was so disturbed she did not even say thank you. She reached for a spoon but let it fall.
    Hadass ventured a comment: “I hear Avigdor has deserted you.”
    Anshel awoke from her trance. “What do you mean?”
    “He’s no longer your partner.”
    “He’s left the yeshiva.”
    “Do you see him at all?”
    “He seems to be hiding.”
    “Are you at least going to the wedding?”
    For a moment Anshel was silent as though missing the meaning of the words. Then she spoke: “He’s a big fool.”
    “Why do you say that?”
    “You’re beautiful, and the other one looks like a monkey.”
    Hadass blushed to the roots of her hair. “It’s all my father’s fault.”
    “Don’t worry. You’ll find someone who’s worthy of you.”
    “There’s no one I want.”
    “But everyone wants you …”
    There was a long silence. Hadass’ eyes grew larger, filling with the sadness of one who knows there is no consolation.
    “Your soup is getting cold.”
    “I, too, want you.”
    Anshel was astonished at what she had said. Hadass stared at her over her shoulder.
    “What are you saying!”
    “It’s the truth.”
    “Someone might be listening.”
    “I’m not afraid.”
    “Eat the soup. I’ll bring the meat dumplings in a moment.”
    Hadass turned to go, her high heels clattering. Anshel began hunting for beans in the soup, fished one up, then let it fall. Her appetite was gone; her throat had closed up. She knew very well she was getting entangled in evil, but some force kept urging her on. Hadass reappeared, carrying a platter with two meat dumplings on it.
    “Why aren’t you eating?”
    “I’m thinking about you.”
    “What are you thinking?”
    “I want to marry you.”
    Hadass made a face as though she had swallowed something.
    “On such matters, you must speak to my father.”
    “I know.”
    “The custom is to send a matchmaker.”
    She ran from the room, letting the door slam behind her. Laughing inwardly, Anshel thought: “With girls I can play as I please!” She sprinkled salt on the soup and then pepper. She sat there lightheaded. What have I done? I must be going mad. There’s no other explanation … She forced herself to eat, but could taste nothing. Only then did Anshel remember that it was Avigdor who had wanted her to marry Hadass. From her confusion, a plan emerged; she would exact vengeance for Avigdor, and at the same time, through Hadass, draw him closer to herself. Hadass was a virgin: what did she know about men? A girl like that could be deceived for a long time. To be sure, Anshel too was a virgin but she knew a lot about such matters from the Gemara and from hearing men talk. Anshel was seized by both fear and glee, as a person is who is planning to deceive the whole community. She remembered the saying: “The public are fools.” She stood up and said aloud: “Now I’ll really start something.”
    That night Anshel didn’t sleep a wink. Every few minutes she got up for a drink of water. Her throat was parched, her forehead burned. Her brain worked away feverishly of its own volition. A quarrel seemed to be going on inside her. Her stomach throbbed and her knees ached. It was as if she had sealed a pact with Satan, the Evil One who plays tricks on human beings, who sets stumbling blocks and traps in their paths. By the time Anshel fell asleep, it was morning. She awoke more exhausted than before.