The Fifth Elephant

him.”
    “And he goes to pieces unpredictably,” said Nobby.
    “That’s true,” said Captain Colon. “No one likes shaking hands and ending up with more fingers than they started with.”
    “So p’raps it might be better to consider someone who has been unreasonably overlooked,” said Nobby, going for broke. “Someone who’s face dunt fit, p’raps. Someone who’s experience in the Watch gen’rally and in Traffic in particular could be great service to the city if people wouldn’t go on about one or two lapses which didn’t happen in any case.”
    The dawn of intelligence rose across the vistas of Colon’s face.
    “Ah,” he said. “I see . Well, why didn’t you come right out with that at the start, Nobby.”
    “Well, it’s your decision, Fred…I mean, Captain ,” said Nobby earnestly.
    “But ’sposing Mister Vimes doesn’t agree? He’ll be back in a couple of weeks.”
    “That’ll be long enough,” said Nobby.
    “And you don’t mind?”
    “Me? Mind? Not me. You know me, Fred, always ready to do my bit.”
    “Nobby?”
    “Yes, Fred?”
    “The dress…”
    “Yes, Fred?”
    “I thought we weren’t doing the…traffic calming any more?”
    “Yes, Fred. But I thought I’m keep it on ready to swing into action just in case you decided that we should.”

    A chilly wind blew across the cabbage fields.
    To Gaspode it brought, beside the overpowering fumes of the cabbage and the dark red smell of the dung carts, hints of pine, mountains, snow, sweat and stale cigar smoke. The last came from the cart men’s habit of smoking large, cheap cigars. They kept the flies off.
    It was better than vision. The world of smell stretched before Gaspode.
    “My paws hurt,” he said.
    “There’s a good dog,” said Carrot.
    The road forked. Gaspode stopped, and snuffled around.
    “Well, here’s an int’resting fing,” he said. “Some of the dung’s jumped down off’f the cart and headed away across the fields here. You were right.”
    “Can you smell water anywhere around?” said Carrot, scanning the flat plain.
    Gaspode’s mottled nose wrinkled up in effort.
    “Pond,” he said. “Not very big. ’Bout a mile away.”
    “She’ll be heading toward it. Very meticulous about cleanliness, Angua. That’s not usual in werewolves.”
    “Never been one for water myself,” said Gaspode.
    “Is that a fact?”
    “Here, no need for that! I had a B…A…T…H once, you know, it’s not as if I don’t know what it’s like.”
    The pond was in a clump of windblown trees. Dry grass rustled in the breeze. A single coot scuttled into the reeds as Carrot and Gaspode approached.
    “Yeah, here we are,” said Gaspode. “A lot of muck goes in, and…” He sniffed at the stirred-up mud. “Er…yeah, she comes out. Um.”
    “Is there a problem?” said Carrot.
    “What? Oh, no. Clear scent. Headin’ for the mountains, just like you said. Um.” Gaspode sat down and scratched himself with a hind leg.
    “There is a problem, isn’t there…” said Carrot.
    “Well…supposin’ there was something really bad that you wouldn’t really want to know, and I knew what it was…how’d you feel about me tellin’ you? I mean, some people’d rather not know. It’s a pers’nal thing.”
    “Gaspode!”
    “She’s not alone. There’s another wolf.”
    “Ah.”
    Carrot’s mild, uninformative smile did not change.
    “Er…of the male persuasion,” said Gaspode. “A boy wolf. Er. Very much so.”
    “Thank you, Gaspode.”
    “Extremely male. Um. In a very def’nite way. Unmistakably.”
    “Yes, I think I understand.”
    “And this is just Words. In Smell, it’s a lot more, well, emphatic.”
    “Thank you for that, Gaspode. And they’re heading…”
    “Still straight for the mountains, boss,” said Gaspode, as kindly as he could. He wasn’t certain of the details of human sexual relationships, and the ones he was certain of he still couldn’t quite believe, but he knew that they were a lot more complicated than those enjoyed by the doggy fraternity.
    “This smell…”
    “The extremely male one I was talkin’ about?”
    “The very one, yes,” said Carrot levelly. “You could still smell it if you were on the horse, could you?”
    “I could smell it with my nose in a sack of onions.”
    “Good. Because I think we should move a little faster now…”
    “Yes, I thought you’d think that.”

    Constable Visit saluted when Nobby and Colon entered Pseudopolis Yard.
    “I