The Garlic Ballads

but, remembering his teacher’s admonition, he gritted his teeth and didn’t utter a sound. The teacher, angered over his wife’s dreams of imperial favor, was tempted to throttle her, but didn’t dare let on. As for Zhang Nine-five, he retained his golden mouth and teeth of jade. Then one summer day, as he sat under a tree reading a book, his peace was shattered by croaking frogs in the bay. “Stop your croaking,” he said, “or I’ll turn you all belly-up!” The frogs in Zhang Family Bay haven’t croaked since that day, and every time one of them gets the urge to break its silence, the croak no sooner leaves its mouth than the frog goes belly-up.

    “I guess a golden mouth and teeth of jade are as potent as they say.” Gao Ma giggled. “Grandpa Three, being Emperor isn’t as easy as it sounds. You’re not free to say what you want, like we are.”
    “True enough,” Grandpa Three agreed. “The Son of Heaven isn’t permitted light banter.”
    “But I don’t really believe that if the Emperor ordered horses to grow horns, or cows to grow scales, or roosters to lay eggs, or hens to crow, that those things would happen.”
    “In such matters some speak, others obey,” Grandpa Three insisted. “Since no nonsense ever passes the Emperor’s lips, if he says to grow horns, no horse would dare disobey. If you want an example closer to home, take our Secretary Wang. A township party secretary isn’t even a rank-seven official, but the way he swaggers around, if he said he only had seven teeth, who would dare pry open his mouth to check it out?”
    After a thoughtful pause, Gao Ma said, “You’ve got a point.”

2.

    “Elder Brother Gao Ma,” Jinju said petulandy, “tell me about your relationship with the chief of staff’s concubine.”
    “It wasn’t the chief of staff’s concubine, it was the regiment commander’s concubine.”
    “Then tell me about your relationship with her.”
    “She wanted to get married, but I never got used to her foul breath or her pouting. I didn’t love her.” He cringed at the word “love.” “I figured she was my ticket to officer rank. I hated them, but I was no better than them, and didnt deserve a promotion.”
    “How about your love for me? Is it real or phony?”
    “You can actually ask that after all we’ve been through together?”
    “If you’d become an officer in the army, you probably wouldn’t have fallen in love with me.”
    “If I’d become an officer, I’d have turned bad.”
    “Would you have married the regiment commander’s concubine?”
    “Now listen to me. My promotion order was in the works, so I dropped the regiment commander’s concubine—after all, I was going to get what I wanted. So what happened? The regiment commander tore up the promotion order.”
    “Good for him!” Jinju said through clenched teeth.
    “If he hadn’t, I wouldn’t have become your man.”
    “Oh, I see, I’m a last-ditch rebound!” Jinju blurted out as she dissolved in tears, feeling terribly wronged.
    Gao Ma rubbed her shoulders in an attempt to console her. “Don’t cry. Who hasn’t been guilty of a youthful indiscretion at one time or another? I just want to sell my crop as fast as possible and give your blackhearted parents the money they demand for your hand, so we can live in peace together. Become an officer? What for? To sell my conscience? That’s what you have to do.”

    “Number Fifty-one, we’ve heard that you and the girl Fang Jinju from this village had an illicit love affair. Is that right?” The question came from a pale-faced interrogator sitting on Gao Ma’s cot. Gao Ma sat in the corner glaring daggers at the man, who grinned and said, “Apparently you hate me, too. Young man, you’re too extreme in your judgments. There are plenty of good officials in the party and the government.”
    “Crows are black wherever you go.”
    “Try to be a little more level-headed, my boy. I’m not here to argue with you. To tell the truth, I’m on your side. Trust me. I advise you not to smash your own water jug.”
    “Half a lifetime of being a slug is enough,” Gao Ma said.
    The interrogator fished out a pack of cigarettes. “Smoke?” Gao Ma shook his head. The interrogator lit one and let it dangle between his lips as he flipped through some papers filled with penciled notes. “I’ve studied your case thoroughly,” he said. “Even went on a fact-finding visit to your home village. I want you to understand that