The Last Demon

Esther. She was even wearing the same fur hat, but a strand of gray hair fell over her forehead. How strange – the fur hat, too, seemed to have grayed. The other cafeterianiks did not appear to be interested in her any more, or they did not know her. Her face told of the time that had passed. There were shadows under her eyes. Her gaze was no longer so clear. Around her mouth was an expression that could be called bitterness, disenchantment. I greeted her. She smiled, but her smile immediately faded away. I asked, ‘What happened to you?’
    ‘Oh, I’m still alive.’
    ‘May I sit down?’
    ‘Please – certainly.’
    ‘May I bring you a cup of coffee?’
    ‘No. Well, if you insist.’
    I noticed that she was smoking, and also that she was reading not the newspaper to which I contribute but a competition paper. She had gone over to the enemy. I brought her coffee and for myself stewed prunes – a remedy for constipation. I sat down. ‘Where were you all this time? I have asked for you.’
    ‘Really? Thank you.’
    ‘What happened?’
    ‘Nothing good.’ She looked at me. I knew that she saw in me what I saw in her: the slow wilting of the flesh. She said, ‘You have no hair but you are white.’
    For a while we were silent. Then I said, ‘Your father –’ and as I said it I knew that her father was not alive.
    Esther said, ‘He has been dead for almost a year.’
    ‘Do you still sort buttons?’
    ‘No, I became an operator in a dress shop.’
    ‘What happened to you personally, may I ask?’
    ‘Oh nothing – absolutely nothing. You will not believe it, but I was sitting here thinking about you. I have fallen into some kind of trap. I don’t know what to call it. I thought perhaps you could advise me. Do you still have the patience to listen to the troubles of little people like me? No, I didn’t mean to insult you. I even doubted you would remember me. To make it short,
I work but work is growing more difficult for me. I suffer from arthritis. I feel as if my bones would crack. I wake up in the morning and can’t sit up. One doctor tells me that it’s a disc in my back, others try to cure my nerves. One took X-rays and says that I have a tumor. He wanted me to go to the hospital for a few weeks, but I’m in no hurry for an operation. Suddenly a little lawyer showed up. He is a refugee himself and is connected with the German government. You know they’re now giving reparation money. It’s true that I escaped to Russia, but I’m a victim of the Nazis just the same. Besides, they don’t know my biography so exactly. I could get a pension plus a few thousand dollars, but my dislocated disc is no good for the purpose because I got it later – after the camps. This lawyer says my only chance is to convince them that I am ruined psychically. It’s the bitter truth, but how can you prove it? The German doctors, the neurologists, the psychiatrists require proof. Everything has to be according to the textbooks – just so and no different. The lawyer wants me to play insane. Naturally, he gets twenty percent of the reparation money – maybe more. Why he needs so much money I don’t understand. He’s already in his seventies, an old bachelor. He tried to make love to me and whatnot. He’s half meshugga himself. But how can I play insane when actually I
am
insane? The whole thing revolts me
and I’m afraid it will really drive me crazy. I hate swindle. But this shyster pursues me. I don’t sleep. When the alarm rings in the morning, I wake up as shattered as I used to be in Russia when I had to walk to the forest and saw logs at four in the morning. Naturally, I take sleeping pills – if I didn’t, I couldn’t sleep at all. That is more or less the situation.’
    ‘Why don’t you get married? You are still a good-looking woman.’
    ‘Well, the old question – there is nobody. It’s too late. If you knew how I felt, you wouldn’t ask such a question.’
IV
    A few weeks passed. Snow had been falling. After the snow came rain, then frost. I stood at my window and looked out at Broadway. The passers-by half walked, half slipped. Cars moved slowly. The sky above the roofs shone violet, without a moon, without stars, and even though it was eight o’clock in the evening the light and the emptiness reminded me of dawn. The stores were deserted. For a moment, I had the feeling I was in Warsaw. The telephone rang and I rushed to answer it as I did ten, twenty, thirty years ago – still