The Lesson of Her Death

Encouragement like that is just another way of helping her fail.”
    “Well,” Diane said stiffly. “You sure don’t hesitate to call it the way you see it, Doctor.”
    Dr. Parker smiled a smile that meant nothing at all to Diane, who was for once relieved that the psychiatrist had set a frigid atmosphere for these sessions. She had no problem saying bluntly, “That’s very well and good, Doctor, but how the hell are you going to help my little girl?”
    “I want you to find a tutor. They’re expensive but you need one and you need a good one. I recommend that you check with the Auden lab school.”
    “Why can’t we help her? Bill and me?”
    “Sarah needs a specialist.”
    “But—”
    “It’s important that she see someone who knows what they’re doing.”
    Diane thought it was remarkable that you could both admire and detest someone at the same time.
    “Second, I’d like to work with her myself. Until we build up her confidence in herself she’s never going to improve. Her self-esteem has been very badly damaged.”
    “What can you do that we haven’t? All right, maybe the way we tried to teach her was wrong. But you keep forgetting that we’ve always supported her. We always tell her how good she is. How talented.”
    “But she doesn’t
believe
you. And how can she? You push her to work harder and it does no good. You tell her she’s doing well but she isn’t, she’s failing her classes. You tell her she’s smart but by all the outward manifestations she isn’t. Mrs. Corde, you’ve acted for the best motives but your efforts have been counterproductive. We need to encourage Sarah to do the things she’s genuinely good at.”
    “But haven’t you heard what I’ve told you? She isn’t good at anything. She doesn’t even like to help me cook or sew. All she does is play games by herself, go to movies and watch TV.”
    “Ah. Precisely.” Dr. Parker smiled like a chess player calling checkmate.
    Diane blinked.
What’d I say?
    “I’d like to see Sarah as soon as possible. If you could make the appointment with Ruth.” The cryptic eyes, so talented at dismissals, glanced at another file.
    “Okay, sure.” Diane stood.
    Then she hesitated.
    She sat down again. “Say, Doctor …”
    “Yes?”
    Diane blurted, “Where does it come from? Dyslexia?”
    “I’m sorry, I should have discussed that with you.” She closed the second file and turned full attention to Diane. “We don’t know exactly. It used to be that a lot of doctors attributed it to physical problems—like memory confusion between the two hemispheres of the brain. That’s been discredited now though vision and hearing problems can be major factors. My belief is that like many developmental problems dyslexia has both a nature and nurture component. It’s largely genetic and the prenatal period is very critical. But how parents and teachers respond to the child is important too.”
    “Prenatal?” Diane asked, then casually added, “So could it be that someone who had maybe smoked or drank or took drugs during pregnancy might cause dyslexia in their children?”
    “To some extent though usually there’s a correspondent decrease in IQ.…” Dr. Parker squinted and flipped through her notes. “Anyway I thought you said you largely abstained while you were pregnant.”
    “Oh, that’s right,” Diane said. “I was just curious.… You know, when someone you love has a problem you want to know all about it.” Diane stood up. She sensed Dr. Parker studying her. “Well, I’ll make that appointment.”
    “Wait a minute, please.” Dr. Parker capped her pen. “You know, Mrs. Corde, one of the underlying themes of my approach to therapy is that we really
are
our parents.” She was smiling, Diane believed, in a heartfelt way for the first time since they had begun working together. “I call parents the quote primary providers and not just in a positive sense. What they give us and what they do for us—and
to
us—include some unfortunate things. But it can include a lot of good things too.”
    Diane looked back at her and tried to keep her face an unemotional mask. She managed pretty well, even when the doctor said, “I’ve seen a lot of parents in here and I’ve seen a lot of people in here because of their parents. Whatever’s troubling you, Mrs. Corde, don’t be too hard on yourself. My opinion is that Sarah is a very lucky girl.”
    Technically this was trespassing. But boundaries in the country