The Longest Ride

at all.”

“You’ll probably hear the horses later,” he said. “They’re not the quietest animals and they’re right outside the bedroom. And sometimes, raccoons get onto the porch and they’ll knock all sorts of stuff over.”

“Why did you stop coming here?” she asked. “Was it because of your dad?”

When Luke spoke, his voice was subdued. “After my dad died, a lot of things changed. My mom was alone, and I was traveling on the circuit. When I was home, it always felt like we were so far behind… but I guess that’s really an excuse. For my mom, this was their place. I’d spend so much time outside riding and swimming and playing that I’d just collapse in bed right after dinner. My mom and dad would have the place to themselves. Later, when I was in high school, they used to sometimes come up here without me… but now, she doesn’t want to come. I’ve asked, but she just shakes her head. I think she wants to remember this place like it used to be. When he was still with us.”

She took another sip of wine. “I was thinking earlier about how much you’ve been through. In some ways, it’s like you’ve lived a full life already.”

“I hope not,” he said. “I’d hate for you to think I’m over-the-hill.”

She smiled, conscious of the contact between her body and his, trying not to think about what might come later.

“Do you remember the first night we met? When we talked and you took me out to show me the bulls?”

“Of course.”

“Could you ever have imagined that we’d end up here?”

He reached out for his beer and took a sip before resting it on the couch beside her. She could feel the chill from the bottle near her thigh. “At the time, I was just surprised you were talking to me at all.”

“Why would you be surprised?”

He kissed her hair. “Do you really have to ask? You’re perfect.”

“I’m not perfect,” she protested. “I’m far from it.” She swirled the wine in her jar. “Just ask Brian.”

“What happened with him had nothing to do with you.”

“Maybe not,” she said. “But…”

Luke said nothing, allowing her time to consider what she was going to say. She turned, looking directly at him.

“I told you that last spring I was a wreck, right? And that I lost a lot of weight because I couldn’t eat?”

“You told me.”

“All that’s true. But I didn’t tell you that for a while there, I also thought about suicide. It wasn’t like I came close to actually doing anything about it; it was more like a concept , something that I latched on to, to feel better. I’d wake up and not care about anything and not be able to eat, and then I’d think that there was one sure way to stop the pain and that was to end it all. Even then, I knew it was crazy, and like I said, I never really thought I’d go through with it. But just knowing that the option was there made me feel like I still had some kind of control. And at the time, that’s what I needed more than anything. To think that I was in control. And little by little, I was able to pull myself together. That’s why, the next time Brian cheated on me, I was able to walk away.” She closed her eyes, the memory of those days passing like a shadow over her face. “You’re probably thinking you’ve made a big mistake right about now.”

“Not at all,” he said.

“Even if I’m crazy?”

“You’re not crazy. You said yourself you never really considered going through with it.”

“But why would I latch on to the idea? Why would I even think about it at all?”

“Do you still think about it?”

“Never,” she said. “Not since last spring.”

“Then I wouldn’t worry too much. You’re not the first person in the world to think about it. It’s a big leap from thinking to considering, and an even bigger leap to attempting.”

She weighed the comment, recognizing his point. “You’re being too logical about the whole thing.”

“That’s probably because I have no idea what I’m talking about.”

She squeezed his arm. “No one knows any of this, by the way. Not my mom or dad, or even Marcia.”

“I won’t tell,” he said. “But if it happens again, you might consider talking to someone a whole lot smarter than I am. Someone who would know what to tell you, maybe help you navigate the whole thing.”

“I plan on it. But hopefully it won’t happen again.”

They sat in silence, his body warm against hers. “I still think you’re perfect,” he