The Merry Misogynist

the backs of his hands. He fancied he saw familiar country outlines from the atlas there.
    “What’s the other one per cent?” asked Phat.
    “Depends what you had for dinner,” Siri told him.
    There was a beat before both men burst into laughter.
    “Dr Siri,” said Phat, drying his eyes on a torn-off rectangle of tissue paper. “How have you survived in the system this long?”
    “Actually, Comrade, they did away with me several years back. I’ve returned to haunt them.”
    “So it would seem, Siri. So it would seem. Trouble with Housing?”
    “They aren’t happy with the class of people I have living with me.”
    “Are they paying rent?”
    “Not a brass kip .”
    “I’ll see what I can do.”
    “Thank you.”
    The door opened. Judge Haeng returned to his desk with a pronounced limp, and collected his forgotten walking stick. He ignored the two disrespectful old men and shuffled out. The laughter resumed.
 
    The morgue seemed to have frozen in time since Siri had left on his mission to the Ministry of Justice. Nothing had moved, not even Geung, who still stood with a toilet plunger hoisted above his head trying to coax a ceiling lizard to drop into it.
    “Are you training it?” Siri asked.
    “I…I want to take it ou…outside. It shits on th…the…the gurney. I don’t want to kill it. It’s Buddha’s crea…creature.”
    “Keep your voice down, Geung. The Ministry of Not Mentioning Religion might hear you.” Geung was bemused. “Look, I’ll give you a little hint. Spray it with water. I don’t know how I know, but when you do that they can’t hold on for some reason. Try it. But when you get it outside give it a stern talking-to so it doesn’t come running back in. All right?”
    Geung’s laugh clanged around the room. “Ha, who…who’s mad enough to talk to a…a lizard?”
    Siri laughed and patted his friend on the back. “Sorry, my little comrade. Sometimes I forget who it is I’m addressing.”
    “Oh…oh!” Geung hopped on one leg. “I remember.”
    “What?”
    “The last message. Teacher Ou…Teacher Ou…Oum.”
    “Wants me to get in touch?”
    “Something…drug.”
    “All right. Thank you. Good job. If I’m not back by six, you can lock up.”
    Geung saluted and turned again to the job at hand.
 
    “It’s definitely Meprobamate,” said Oum, her voice sounding like ice rattling in an empty glass over the telephone line. “It reacted with furfural.”
    “I thought it might be something like that,” Siri replied. “How heavy was the dose?”
    “The reaction was really strong. I’d say it was quite concentrated.”
    “Enough to cause loss of consciousness?”
    “Not impossible.”
    “Let’s hope so. I’d hate for her to have been aware of what was going on. In a way I’m glad it was Meprobamate. The symptoms of an overdose are more like a coma – drowsiness, loss of muscle control, unresponsiveness.There are other drugs that paralyze the nervous system. You can see what’s going on but can’t lift a finger to stop it. I’d prefer that she was unconscious or at least numb.”
    “Oh, and the contents of the stomach,” Oum remembered. “Did you go through them before you brought them over here?”
    “I did take a look. Didn’t recognize anything.”
    “The little green fellows?”
    “Berries of some kind? Seeds?”
    “I wouldn’t bet my life on it, but they looked a lot like capers to me.”
    “And they are?”
    “They’re used for seasoning. I had them once or twice in Australia. You get them in Italian food. Not the kind of thing you can find locally.”
    “So they would be imported and expensive.”
    “If I’m right.”
    “Not the type of thing a farm girl would include in her diet.”
    “Not at all.”
    “I’ll pass that little clue on to Phosy. Any luck with the ultraviolet light?”
    “I just got back from the gym. It isn’t the type of place I hang out normally, but I did your test. I don’t think we should read too much into this. The machine only has two settings, and neither might be the right one to reveal phosphates, but nothing made an appearance on the sample you gave me.”
    “So either the perpetrator didn’t ejaculate…”
    “Or the school has a crap piece of black light equipment. Can you come over and pick up all your evidence? My fridge is full.”
    Siri did as he was told. On his way back along That Luang Road with both his shoulder bag and his mind full he switched off the engine, cruised, and