The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a Thirteen-Year-Old Boy With Autism

more like his old self again. ‘Excuse me, sir, will we be arriving in Heaven any time soon? It’s just I feel tired enough to keel over and die.’
    The old man snorted out a laugh.
    So Shun snorted out a laugh, too.
    Who would have guessed it?
thought Shun.
You can find something to laugh at in any situation, even when you’re dead
. Mulling this over, Shun found he was feeling happier.
    ‘Well, you finally smiled about something,’ said the old man. ‘Then the Path to Heaven begins right here.’ Serenely, he raised both his hands towards the sky. He seemed to be saying something, but Shun couldn’t catch what it was.
    Now I think of it, somebody once told me how when we die, we become stars. Must have been Mum, I guess. She was always on my side. Dad gave me a lot of time too, mind … but no more games of chucking a ball to one another now
… Shun looked up at the night sky and gave a small sigh.
    ‘What d’you reckon?’ said the old man. ‘Time to be off?’
    Shun grew afraid again.
Am I dying? No, no, I’m already dead. But what’s going to happen to me now? If only Mum …
Shun’s whole body started shaking.
    The old man noticed. He gave Shun a concerned hug. ‘There’s nothing to worry about. You’ll only be gone for an instant.’
    Only gone for an instant?
Shun was confused.
What’s going to become of me?
Slowly, surely, the scene in front of Shun grew hazy, and he collapsed on the spot.
    Down in his deep and dreamless sleep, Shun was thinking,
How come people have to die? There’s still so much I want to do
. Then, fearfully, Shun opened his eyes to see what had happened. An ancient man in white robes stood before him, and it dawned on Shun that this must be God. In fact, this God was the spitting image of the one Shun had seen at the art museum.
Wow, God, I’d better be on my best behaviour
. To pay his respects, Shun leapt to his feet.
Huh? My feet are gone! So ghosts really do float around without any feet
. But then Shun realized something that nearly gave him a heart attack: ‘It’s gone! It’s completely gone! My body isn’t anywhere!’
    This was too much, and Shun lost his head, forgot that he was in the presence of God and started freaking out.
    ‘Oy, oy, oy, there’s no need for that,’ said God. The voice seemed vaguely familiar to Shun, as if he’d heard it long ago. ‘You’ll hardly be needing your body now you’re dead, will you? All the things that used to tie you down and hold you back, they’ve gone now.’
    Oh, that’s right, yes … I’m dead
. Despite the fact Shun had no body, all the energy drained right out of it. ‘Please, sir, what’s going to happen to me?’
    ‘Absolutely nothing’s going to happen to you, because – well, look around you – you’ve gone to Heaven.’
    So what’s this place like, exactly?
Shun examined his surroundings. The dark was darker than the depths of night, but scattered all about with pulsing stars.
I never saw so many stars where I used to live … wow. Stars really are infinite
. Lost in their pure beauty, Shun gazed and gazed, letting thoughts of his death slip away.
    ‘For the time being, do whatever you wish,’ said God. ‘I dare say you’re still very much attached to your last life, and still have unfinished business to chew over. But you’ll come to understand how things stand, by and by.’ And with that, God’s outline began to waver and vanish like mist dissolving into more mist.
    It’s all very well for Him to say
, ‘Do whatever you wish,’ Shun thought. He was at a loss. He looked down, and there he saw the Earth, piercingly blue and beautiful in the darkness.
So this here is Space I’m standing in. But what do I do now? How am I supposed to live when I don’t even have a body? All alone, as well. The first thing I have to work out is how do you live when you’re dead.
Shun had not a notion.
    For a while, Shun stayed where he was.
This Heaven sure is different to how I used to imagine Heaven would be. I used to think that Heaven was full of wonderful things to eat and fun things to do all day, with nothing to make you suffer or give you a hard time
. Shun shouted out loud: ‘Hey! What’s going on here? Just take me back home, right now!’ No sooner had he said this than Shun felt himself hurtling away at a velocity he had never before experienced.
    Now where am I? Wait, yes, this is my house
. ‘Mum?’ Shun rushed from room to room, looking for his mum. He found her in the