The Redemption of Callie & Kayden

can smell her shampoo and I can hear the sound of her uneven breathing.
    “Kayden.” Her voice is alarmingly calm, not at all what I expected.
    Fuck. Shit. Fuck.
I don’t want to look up because then it’s real and she’ll be able to see how weak I really am. Plus, she’ll make me stop. And I’ve never had to stop when I’m almost there. I don’t know how my body or mind’s going to react.
    Her feet shuffle across the floor as she inches toward me. I still have my head tipped down, my teeth biting hard on my tongue. Her bare feet appear in my line of vision and her legs are naked three-quarters of the way up and then my shirt covers her small-framed body.
    “Kayden,” she repeats, sounding so fucking calm it’s unsettling.
    I still have the edge of the razor aligned with my skin and every muscle and vein below the skin has warped and convoluted into knots. “Callie, just walk out and shut the door. I’ll be out in a minute.”
    There’s a long pause and I think that maybe she’s actually considering it.
    “No,” she says firmly. “I won’t.”
    My hand trembles and my heart thuds brutally inside my chest. I don’t want to snap at her, but I’m panicking and my feelings are controlling me. “Callie, I swear to God if you care about me at all, you’ll turn around and walk back out into the room.”
    She takes another small step, reducing the already limited space between us. “I do care about you and that’s why I’m not going to leave.”
    My head snaps up and rage bursts inside me, flames ripping through my body. I’m about to ruin everything but I can’t stop it. “Just get the hell out!”
    “No.” Determination burns in her eyes. She doesn’t even look like the Callie I know. She looks strong and confident. “I won’t let you do it.”
    I lean in toward her with the razor still pressed against my skin and I notice her gaze flick to it. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll leave. You don’t get this… I don’t need you. Now leave.”
    Her hand snaps out and she grabs ahold of my wrist, her tiny fingers encircling it firmly. “I do get it. You want to stop whatever the hell it is you’re feeling and this is the only way you know how. And because I get that, I’m not going to leave. If you walked in on me when I was… when I was trying to… when I was trying to make myself throw up, I’d want you to stop me even though I know I’d try and argue and justify it with you.” Her fingers pry into mine as she tries to steal the razor from my hand. “I get you!”
    For a brief second her words stop the uncontrollable urge to stab the razor deep into my skin, but then I panic again. I jerk my arm back from her grip, ready to scream at her and probably say words that will scar her for life. But as I move my arm, she winces and she hastily withdraws her hand back to her. Her finger skimmed the razor and her blood is dripping onto the floor by her feet.
    I no longer give a shit about the razor or getting rid of my emotions. I chuck the blade into the sink. “Callie, I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.” I’ve fucked things up again.
    She’s clutching onto her finger and blood is spilling out and her face is contorted in pain. She looks at me through her bangs and I prepare myself for whatever she’s going to say: rejection, hatred, anger. But then she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she moves toward me and the next thing I know, she climbs onto me, hitching her legs around my waist and fastening herself to me. Then she wraps her arms around the back of my neck and presses her forehead to the side of my neck, right where my pulse is throbbing. I tense, but then a tranquil feeling rushes through my body. My heart starts to still as she hugs me resolutely, trusting me wholly. I’ve never experienced anything like it, especially in the middle of one of my meltdowns and I don’t know what to do with myself except stand there with my hands lifelessly at my sides.
    “Callie,” I say, but she steals my voice as she clutches onto me and places kisses on my neck.
    “It’ll be okay,” she whispers between each touch of her lips. “I promise.”
    I don’t fully understand what it is she’s promising, or maybe I do and I’m just not ready to admit it yet. Either way, I find that I’m calm enough to leave the bathroom. I walk back to the bed and lie us down. She refuses to let go of me even when I get us onto the mattress. She crosses her ankles