The Science of Discworld II

a chihuahua.
    2 The ‘Shema’ prayer, which orthodox Jews must say at least three times a day, includes ‘And these words, which I command you this day, shall be upon your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your children, and you shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk upon the way, when you lie down and when you rise up.’
    3 Of course it ceases to be laughable if, despite its bizarre appearance, it happens to be true . And we’ve already agreed that all religions are true, for a given value of ‘true’.

THIRTY-ONE
A WOMAN ON STAGE?
    I T WAS THE SMELL of the theatre Rincewind remembered. People talked about ‘the smell of the greasepaint, the roar of the crowd’ but, he assumed, the word ‘roar’ must have been taken to mean the same as ‘stink’.
    He also wondered why this theatre was called The Globe. It was not even completely circular. But, he supposed, the new world might happen here …
    He’d made a big concession for the occasion. He’d unstitched the few remaining sequins from the word ‘WIZZARD’ on his hat. Given its general lack of shape, and his robe’s raggedness, it now made him look far more like one of the crowd, albeit a one that knew the meaning of the word ‘soap’.
    He worked his way back through the throng to the wizards, who had managed to get real seats.
    â€˜How is it going?’ said Ridcully. ‘Remember, lad, the show must go on!’
    â€˜Things are fine, as far as I can see,’ whispered Rincewind. ‘No sign of any elves at all. We did spot a fishmonger in the crowd, so the Librarian slugged him and hid him behind the theatre, just in case.’
    â€˜You know,’ said the Chair of Indefinite Studies, who was leafing through the script, ‘this chap would write much better plays if he didn’t have to have actors in them. They seem to get in the way all the time.’
    â€˜I read the Comedy of Errors last night,’ said the Dean. ‘And I could see the error right there. There wasn’t any comedy. Thank gods for directors.’
    The wizards looked at the crowd. It wasn’t as well behaved even as the ones back home; people were picnicking, small parties were being held, and there was a general sense that the audience looked upon the actual play as pleasant background noise to their personal social occasions.
    â€˜How will we know when it starts?’ said the Lecturer in Recent Runes.
    â€˜Oh, trumpets get blown,’ said Rincewind, ‘and then generally two actors come on and tell one another what they already know.’
    â€˜No sign of the elves anywhere,’ said the Dean, looking around with a hand over one eye. ‘I don’t like it. It’s too quiet.’
    â€˜No, sir, no, sir,’ said Rincewind. ‘That’s not the time not to like it. The time not to like it is when it’s suddenly as noisy as all hell, sir.’
    â€˜Well, you get backstage with Stibbons and the Librarian, will you?’ said Ridcully. ‘And try not to look conspicuous. We mustn’t take any chances.’
    Rincewind worked his away around behind the stage, trying not to look conspicuous. But it was a first night, and there was an informality about the whole business that he’d never seen back home. People just seemed to wander around. Back home, there never seemed to be so much pretence ; here, the actors played at being people and, down below, people played at being an audience. The overall effect was rather pleasing. The plays had a conspiratorial quality. Make it interesting enough, their audience was saying, and we’ll believe anything. If you don’t, we’ll have a party with our friends right here and throw nuts at you.
    Rincewind sat down on a pile of boxes offstage and watched as the play began. There were raised voices and the gentle, subtle sound of an expectant audience ready to tolerate quite a lot of plot exposition provided there was a joke or a murder at the end of it.
    There was no sign of elves, no telltale shimmer in the air. The play wound on. Sometimes there was laughter, in which the deep boom of Ridcully was distinctly noticeable, especially, for some reason, when the clowns were on stage.
    The stage elves met with approval, too. Peaseblossom, Cobweb, Moth and Mustardseed … creatures of blossom and air. Only Puckseemed to Rincewind to be anything like the elves he