The Science of Discworld II

were quacking, somewhere. There were blue hills in the distance.
    â€˜On the upside,’ said Rincewind, extracting frogs from a pocket, ‘everything smells better.’
    â€˜This is a swamp , Rincewind.’
    â€˜So?’
    â€˜And I can see smoke,’ said Ridcully.
    There was a thin grey column in the middle distance.
    Reaching it took a lot longer than the mere distance suggested. Land and water were contesting every step of the way. But, eventually, and with only one sprain and a number of bites, the wizards reached some thick bushes and peered into the clearing beyond.
    There were some houses, but that was stretching the term. They were little more than piles of branches with reed roofs.
    â€˜They could be savages,’ said the Lecturer in Recent Runes.
    â€˜Or perhaps someone sent them all out into the country to forge a dynamic team spirit,’ said the Dean, who had been badly bitten.
    â€˜Savages would be too much to hope for,’ said Rincewind, watching the huts carefully.
    â€˜You want to find savages?’ said Ridcully.
    Rincewind sighed. ‘I am the Professor of Cruel and Unusual Geography, sir. In an unknown situation, always hope for savages. They tend to be quite polite and hospitable provided you don’t make any sudden moves or eat the wrong sort of animal.’
    â€˜Wrong sort of animal?’ said Ridcully.
    â€˜Taboo, sir. They tend to be related. Or something.’
    â€˜That sounds rather … sophisticated,’ said Ponder suspiciously.
    â€˜Savages often are,’ said Rincewind. ‘It’s the civilised people that give you trouble. They always want to drag you off somewhere and ask you unsophisticated questions. Edged weapons are often involved. Trust me on this. But these aren’t savages, sir.’
    â€˜How can you tell?’
    â€˜Savages build better huts,’ said Rincewind firmly. ‘These are edge people.’
    â€˜I’ve never heard of edge people!’ said Ridcully.
    â€˜I made it up,’ said Rincewind. ‘I run into them occasionally. People that live right on the edge, sir. Out on rocks. In the worst kind of desert. No tribe or clan. That takes too much effort. Of course, so does beating up strangers, so they’re the best kind of people to meet.’
    Ridcully looked around at the swamp. ‘But there’s waterfowl everywhere,’ he said. ‘Birds. Eggs. Lots of fish, I’ll be bound. Beavers. Animals that come down to drink. I could eat myself greasy to the eyebrows here. This is good country.’
    â€˜Hold on, one of them’s coming out,’ said the Lecturer in Recent Runes.
    A stooping figure had emerged from a hut. It straightened up, and stared around. Huge nostrils flared.
    â€˜Oh my, look what just fell out of the ugly tree,’ said the Dean. ‘Is it a troll?’
    â€˜He’s certainly a bit rugged,’ said Ridcully. ‘And why is he wearing boards?’
    â€˜I think he’s just not very good at tanning hides,’ said Rincewind.
    The enormous shaggy head turned towards the wizards. The nostrils flared again.
    â€˜He smelled us,’ said Rincewind, and started to turn. A hand grabbed the back of his robe.
    â€˜This is not a good time to run away, Professor ,’ said Ridcully, lifting him off the ground in one hand. ‘We know you’re good at languages. You get on with people. You have been chosen to be our ambassador. Do not scream.’
    â€˜Besides, the thing looks like cruel and unusual geography,’ said the Dean, as Rincewind was thrust out of the bushes.
    The big man watched him, but made no attempt to attack.
    â€˜Go on !’ hissed the bushes. ‘We need to find out when we are!’
    â€˜Oh, right,’ said Rincewind, eyeing the giant cautiously. ‘And he’s going to tell me, is he? He’s got a calendar, has he?’
    He advanced carefully, hands up to show that he didn’t have a weapon. Rincewind was a great believer in not being armed. It made you a target.
    The man had obviously seen him. But he didn’t seem very excited about it. He watched Rincewind as someone might watch a passing cloud.
    â€˜Er … hello,’ said Rincewind, stopping just out of range. ‘Me big fella Professor of Cruel and Unusual Geography belong Unseen University, you … oh dear, you haven’t even discovered washing, have you? Either that or it’s the clothes belong