The Science of Discworld II

said.
    â€˜â€™fraid so,’ he said glumly.
    â€˜Was it you that turned up just now to tell me I should hold my breath?’
    â€˜Er … possibly, but I think I’ve been superseded by me.’
    â€˜Oh. Has Ponder Stibbons being talking about quantum again?’
    â€˜You got it in one.’
    â€˜Another mess up?’
    â€˜More or less. It turns out stopping the elves is a really bad idea.’
    â€˜Typical. Do we both survive? There’s not much room in the office, what with all the coal—’
    â€˜Ponder Stibbons says we may end up remembering everything, because of residual quantum infraction, but we’ll sort of be the same person.’
    â€˜Any big teeth or sharp edges involved?’
    â€˜Not so far.’
    â€˜Could be worse, then, all things considered.’
    In pairs, the wizards assembled as quietly as they could. Apart from Ridcully, who seemed to quite enjoy his own company, they tried not to look at their doppelgangers; it’s quite embarrassing being in the company of someone who knows everything about you, even if that person is yourself.
    A few feet away, with the suddenness of lightning, a pale circle appeared on the grass.
    â€˜Our transport is here, gentlemen,’ said Ponder.
    One of the Deans, who was standing well apart from the other Dean, raised his hand.
    â€˜What happens to the ones of us that stay behind?’ he said.
    â€˜It won’t matter,’ said Ponder Stibbons. ‘They’ll vanish the moment we do, and the ones of us who end up in the, er, other trouser leg of time will have the memories of both of us. I think that’s right, isn’t it?’
    â€˜Yes,’ said Ponder Stibbons. ‘A pretty good summation for the layman. So, gentlemen, are we ready? One of everyone, into the circle now , please.’
    Only the Rincewinds did not move. They knew what to expect.
    â€˜Depressing, isn’t it,’ said one of them, watching the fighting. Both Deans had managed to knock one another out of the circle on the very first charge.
    â€˜Especially the way one of the Stibbonses has just laid out the other one with a left hook,’ said the other Rincewind. ‘An unusual skill in a man of his education.’
    â€˜Doesn’t give you a lot of confidence, I admit. Toss a coin?’
    â€˜Yes, why not …’
    They did so.
    â€˜Fair enough,’ said the winner. ‘Nice to have met me.’ He picked his way delicately across the groaning bodies and the last couple of struggling wizards, sat down in the centre of the circle of light, and pulled his hat as far down over his head as possible.
    A moment later he became, very briefly, a six-dimensional knot and became untied again on a wooden floor in a library.
    â€˜Well, that was relatively painful,’ he murmured, and looked around.
    The Librarian was sitting on his stool. The wizards were around Rincewind, looking amazed and, in some cases, slightly bruised.
    Dr Dee was watching them with concern.
    â€˜Oh dear, I see it did not work,’ he said, and sighed. ‘It never works for me, either. I will instruct the servants to fetch some food.’
    When he’d gone, the wizards looked at one another.
    â€˜Did we go? ’ said the Lecturer in Recent Runes.
    â€˜Yes, but we came back at the same time,’ said Ponder. He rubbed his chin.
    â€˜I can remember everything ,’ said the Archchancellor. ‘Amazin’! I was the one that got left behind and the one that—’
    â€˜Let’s just not talk about it, shall we?’ said the Dean, brushing his robe.
    There was the sound of a muffled voice trying to make itself heard. The Librarian opened his paw.
    â€˜Attention please. Attention please,’ said Hex.
    Ponder took the sphere.
    â€˜We’re listening.’
    â€˜Elves are approaching this property.’
    â€˜What, here? In broad daylight?’ said Ridcully. ‘On our damn world? While we’re actually here ? The nerve!’
    Rincewind looked out of the window on to the drive below.
    â€˜Is it me,’ said the Dean, ‘or has it got colder?’
    A carriage was rolling up, with a couple of footmen trotting along beside it. It was a fine one, by the standards of the city. There were plumes on the horse. And everything about it was either black or silver.
    â€˜It’s not just you,’ said Rincewind, backing away from the window.
    There were sounds at